I really dont know whther this is the right move, but am gonna try...
Brought up in a brethren background..was born again when i was at 7th grade, baptised when i was in 11th.
I pretty much knew what was right and wrong, but somehow during my teen years. I was more of a depressed child, nobody knew that except my mom because i knew how to socialise well. had a certain suicidal mentality just because i had issues with grades or many other petty issues that would rise up in a normal household. My parents once came to know about this, and took me to a pshychiatrist, what he prescribed was just temporary relief.
Then i entered my college student phase, that's when i am really shameful to admit that my luke warm student believer phase went for a real bad turn, Was just a brethen during those for the sake of society, due to my constant needy character, i made terrible choices based on intimacy, i have failed in many trials and temptations..sometimes i was just lucky in escaping them, trying ma best to not hurt myself physically..but emotionally i was damaged and broken!
I never relied on the Lord through those times, coz i felt i was beyond repentance..so i dont deserve to ask for help..because of the sick choices i made.
Throught out my college life, what intitiated was that i had to go through a certain sexual abuse, and from then onwards i felt hopeless, felt that i will not a get a good husband and was really troubled to keep this secret and all that frustration bottled up which led to a certain series of events which led me to losing my virginity which is the biggest regret i have right now(to say that i know its a huge understatement).
Right now, there's a part in me that wants to change and go according to the way of the Lord, is it too late???
i request, there's no use replyin to this thread making me realize how wicked and adulterous and carefree i was! I know it..
I am ready to take the right steps, but what are they exactly?
There's a confusion like would everything just be fine if i ask for repentance?I know i will have to experience the consequences of all the actions,,and because of that i have this constant fear that i will not be blessed with a good marriage or be childless..or go blind ..or be inflicted with cancer or any othe incurable disease.
I am going to stop for now and hope that i would get the practical answer to how to start over a life that is pleasing to Him!?