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Keralabrethren.net: Youth Forum: Love marriage

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# 00033 :  Love marriage
My friend loves a girl. Both are believers. And the parents also are with them. Is this right according to the scriptures?
Post by : Raju  View Profile    since : 23 Oct 2002


Reply by : Joseph   View Profile   Since : 25 Oct 2002 11:13:25 PM Close
Why wouldn't it be?

Go to www.rzim.com, and see if you can download Ravi Zacharias' message on marriage--very insightful...he's a tamil who married a Canadian. The message is called "I Isaac take thee rebecca".

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Reply by : Jimmi   View Profile   Since : 26 Oct 2002 4:49:20 AM Close
Dear Bro

I don't find any scripture telling that love marraige is prohibited for the believers.But we should differentiate between love marriages and having prolonged love affairs,dating,& painting the town red with your girlfriend etc which is what i guess you are trying to point out.Yes,this kind of activities are certainly unbecoming for a believer but if two believers meet,know each other and develop mutual liking,and after prayerfully seeking the will of God ,they feel that they should get married and if their parents also consent to that, then i don't see any hinderence for both of them getting married either in the scripture nor by any other means.The only condition i find in the scripture for a belivers marriage is that the partner should not be an unbeliever, with reference to the verse which instructs each believer to not get unequally yoked with unbelievers.

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Reply by : jo   View Profile   Since : 28 Oct 2002 3:01:50 AM Close
Dear, Love marriage is not bad, but you have to understand " THUNA and ENNA" Bible saying about Thunna, so ask God.
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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 1 Nov 2002 8:52:01 AM Close
I would be extrememly happy to meet 2 young believers in love, yet is seeking the Lord's perfect Will.

When we find 2 poeple in "love", the Lord's Will is absolutely out of the window. An undivided heart is required to know His will. As human beings, being in love will not produce an undivided heart.

Our tendency often is to see how far we can go close to the line w/o stepping over it. We tend to test God and His purposes. Brethren, merely satisfying God's law of "marry only believers" is not enough.

True love for someone is when we refuse to violate that person emotionally or physically by claiming that person as ours. Simply because that person is also God's property and maybe God has kept someone else for that person and we are merely grabbing the opportunity for our own selfish desires. Unless and until God gives us divine love (as in 1 Cor 13) to love that person, we are merely cultivating a different type of love ("Eros" or "Philia").

The question is whether we can trust God for all our needs including marriage and be willing to wait until God shows us and accept what He gives.

God Bless!

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Reply by : Saju   View Profile   Since : 29 Mar 2003 5:20:30 AM Close
There are many examples in Bible for marriages arranged by parents and marriages by own choice. In all examples, the later one proves to be failure/unpleasing.
examples: Isac's marriage: Arranged
Ishmael's : he took a wife by himself

Better we follow Isac's example

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Reply by : philip   View Profile   Since : 2 Nov 2003 9:58:34 AM Close
It is said that Westerners marry the women they love and Indians love the women they marry. This may be proved wrong these days, but there is a lot of truth in it.

Biblically, arranged marriage is seen to be the order of the day. That is what is seen in the shadow of the marriage of Jesus and his bride the Church. Here like in the case of Isaac and Rebecca, the Holy Spirit is searching for a bride for the groom, and they are brought together. The wisdom of the elders (parents etc.) is most valuable. We must also look at all aspects of marriage, including all sides of compatibility. Yet, these are not guarantees of success, but the Will of God, Spiritual maturity, willingness to submit to each other, willingness to forgive and love deeply as the Lord loves the Church.

If you happen to have 'fallen' in love, take it to the foot of the Cross. Ask the Lord to reveal His will, and be ready to wait. Point this to the parents/elders to get their views. Be open and ready to accept other points of views.

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Reply by : lovegreen19   View Profile   Since : 24 Nov 2003 9:42:28 AM Close
In my opinion Love marriages are appreciative provided they know each other very well.Let them talk to their parents first and get their support ,understand the +ves and -ves of it, then move ahead by the Grace of God ,If this is God's will evrythg comes to a finale fittg.
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Reply by : ebmathews   View Profile   Since : 11 Feb 2004 1:41:38 PM Close
Dear friends. The main theme is marriage. Weather it is love marriage or arranged marriage you have to abide in God's rules. The basic principle is the 1st marriage. Adam met his wife when God brought her before her. He was asleep when God prepare a help meet for him. So when Adam met his wife he was excited aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cling with her and became one. They started loving each other. If you find a friend of your oppsite sex and fallen in love and then make aqaintance with each other. Share everything together,trying to know each other. Tillyou get married your friends. finally you have dicided to get marry and married. After the marriage you are no more friends but husband and wife. There is nothing new left for you to share or enjoy. The relationship is changed and ther the problems starts. For each problem the "GUILT" will haunt you and the fight starts and the failures occur.Who will take the blame? no one ! It is your dicision. Fights, differents of openions all can occur in both type of marriages .But in arrange marriage if it is properly arranged in the will of God And with prayer and the willingness of both the boy and girl With the blessing of the parents and the believers, I feel that you feel more comfortable and secure. Now it is your choice.
May God bless you
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Reply by : ebmathews   View Profile   Since : 12 Feb 2004 9:12:12 AM Close
Sorry for the errors in my above notes. It was in a hurry please read correctly thatGod brought her before him.instead of " marry friends" read your friend.Remember that marriage is a life time commitment between each other. so you have to be very careful and think very seriosly before God and ask councel of god and Godly parents and also Godly people. Pray about it and search the scriptures before you make a commitment. To fallen in love with your opposite sex is normal but to get into a marriage relationship is something divine origin. So let the dicision come from the Lord. Dont think that all arranged marriages are free from problems and the love marriages are bad. It depend up on how you start your marriage and how you build up your relationship with each other and how you deal with your relationship faithfully and in Godly manner. Marriage and marriage life is something you can not compare with the worldly relationships. There is lots of sacrifices needed for both the husband and wife.It is just like the +ve and =ve unite together to produce energy. It is a day today life experience that you learn new things every day. Love is the main ingredient in a marriage life.Therefore begin your love life from the marriage.
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Reply by : joepathanapuram   View Profile   Since : 19 Apr 2004 4:15:43 AM Close
Dear all,

Love Marriage - Good for all. Because it's a result of understanding and there is no words saying against to the above.

Thanks,

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Reply by : saljan   View Profile   Since : 10 Nov 2004 3:53:55 AM Close
some love before marriage, some love after marriage. without love there is no marriage. if u really love, well what to do? ask and wait for the Lord to work out the marriage. and the Lord's answer is NO, u have to yield yourself to it.
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Reply by : phebeanu   View Profile   Since : 29 Nov 2004 3:57:13 AM Close
Does the Lord want the person you love to be your life partner? Think about it. Do the partners in love give space for the Lord's will? If no then it is completely wrong. Lust is driving in this case and not Love. God is Love and he showed us what it means to love. If you submit to knowing Lord's will, he will guide you. Remember, if he does not approve of the partner you have right now then he will give you a better partner who will love you more and whom you will love more.

And if the Lord approves of your partner then nothing like it.

Remember, God gives all of us grace which is more than enough according to every situation.

May God bless all of us

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Reply by : mathewsjohn   View Profile   Since : 1 Dec 2004 6:33:44 AM Close
its not the LUV but the Motive of ur Luv. Did the Luv start from external beauty or some kind of leading from God!
If both r thinking their present affair is from above then they should get married soon!
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Reply by : mysaji   View Profile   Since : 8 Dec 2004 4:38:38 AM Close
Dear,

Nobody asks whether arranged marriage is right - Because no doubt or question on it, it is well accepted. But about Love marriage - there is little confusion to everybody to conclude. Our personal interests and situations influences on our conclusion.

It is better to seek the plan of God in our lives than to look in to the situation at present we are.

May God bless us


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Reply by : ba   View Profile   Since : 6 Jan 2005 1:20:33 PM Close
Scripture says, "Thou shalt not commit adultry".

Picture a tree with many branches. That vegetation can be an illustration of the amigious word adultry. There is a variety of definitions of the phrase. Homosexsuality, sex out of wedlock and especially dating, can be adultreous. So inconclusion, that is a sin.

Thank You.

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Reply by : daniel2   View Profile   Since : 15 Nov 2005 2:35:29 AM Close
love is the emotional feeling therefore i think that as a beleaver you should avoid to sell your feeling to anybody else other that the one whome is created by god for us for us. we should wait pationly for gods will and use that time, that is the young age for gods purpose. rather than wasting our time in feelings and love
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Reply by : jpdobcofjc   View Profile   Since : 16 Nov 2005 11:52:01 PM Close
"ba": To call dating "adulterous" is a little extreme. In Western countries (primarily), MANY solid Christian marriages started off as "love" marriages. Similarly, you will find many successful "arranged" marriages, most of which are in Eastern countries. In the end, i believe the outcome is the same 10, 20, 30 years down the line--the couple reaches a point of near-perfect compatability. There are both arranged and love marriages that were never in God's perfect will and likewise, there are many that are. Your approach to both should be the same: pray and seek to see if this particular union is in God's will.
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Reply by : catburglur   View Profile   Since : 6 Dec 2005 7:15:40 PM Close
me personally, i think that is true because of what the book of genesis says. after all i got that Jungle fever ' if you know wattamean
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Reply by : oso2005   View Profile   Since : 7 Dec 2005 1:14:36 AM Close
Dear Raju,

Greetings to you.. There is absolutely no problem if your friend is getting married to the person he/she loves. Whether the parents are with them or not is not of concern here as they are not getting married to the girl. But I would say the most important thing that you should be asking you friend is whether its just as temporary physical attraction towards the partner or have they talked out the plans in their life properly.. their expectations from each other, long term goals, career etc cos these things make a lot of difference in this competitive age.

An to all those out here who have condemned love marriage -- fellow bretheren please do come outa the blue.. we are not talking about running away with the girl on dark night and getting married. It would be the sweetest thing on earth for 2 people to fall in love and get married.. ( Pls don reply to this with the concept of infactuation in your mind.. thats the dumbest thing on earth).

gotta go now.. will continue later..

byee

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Reply by : michael   View Profile   Since : 7 Dec 2005 3:12:26 AM Close
When God created Man and Woman, sex was for procreation only, as burglur put it right.
Lust and pleasure through sex and all are a consequence of the fall of man.
Thats why man said "I am naked".
So outward expression of kissing and all those bullying before the public is surely SIN.
Husband and wife sexual relationship shud be in private.
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Reply by : jpdobcofjc   View Profile   Since : 8 Dec 2005 4:22:47 AM Close
Michael: how do you explain the book of Songs of Solomon? Are all of his explicit writings of sinful nature?
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Reply by : lemuelraj   View Profile   Since : 8 Dec 2005 5:42:22 AM Close
I don't find any "explicit writings of sinful nature" in Song of Solomon.
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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 8 Dec 2005 12:32:41 PM Close
Dear 'michael,' and 'jpdobcofjc,'

I cannot find any connection between your postings and the original posting. As Lemuelraj wrote, Song of Solomon does not contain any "explicit writings of sinful nature." If there is any, the one who made that accussation should provide the evidence(s). I ask 'jpdobcofjc' to provide that information.

Shalom malekim!!!

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Reply by : joyboy   View Profile   Since : 13 Dec 2005 5:25:28 PM Close
Brs Koshy & Moses,

I think Jpdobcofjc was challenging Michael. That is, JP was saying if what michael is saying is true i.e. "When God created Man and Woman, sex was for procreation only", then JP was challenging Michael to explain Song of Soloman in that context. It is an appropriate challenge. If what Michael is saying is true (which it is not), then by that logic, the expressions of sexual love found in Song of Soloman must be sinful by Michael's logic.

I think Michael is making wild statements without any backing. So hence JP's challenge remains unanswered.

I hope I've interpreted everything correctly.

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Reply by : jpdobcofjc   View Profile   Since : 14 Dec 2005 2:42:34 AM Close
Joyboy: You interpreted my previous posting correctly; thanks for making the clarification for lemuelraj & GPK.
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Reply by : jinopv   View Profile   Since : 7 Jan 2006 2:09:28 PM Close
Hi Everybody,

I have accidently(you can call that way)reached here.( Don't ask me to get out )I was going through allmost all posting and replies. I couldn't get clearly understand the goal of many of the postings and replies. Sorry to say that I could see many people's spiritual pride( I felt so. If I am wrong pardon me) or very compromising mentality. I am not part of a brethren church but I know that church well. I know many evangelists, elders and believers in brethren church. Just to give the reply....

God istituted the marriage for the enjoyment and reproduction. When he made and arranged the world, everything was fine. All the problem has started only after man sinned. But the arrangement of family is still today. When you think about marriage, please pary to Lord for your marriage as he is the designer of that. He will give you best if you ask him.
Regarding the question of Love marriage: If two believers(opposit sex)meet and they feel Love each other, let them talk to their parents and leaders of the Church. They can proceed the proposal as normal and if find out good, let them marry. If not suitable, let them give up and wait for God's will. But it may not be good to keep a love affair for long which may cause loss of testimony and problem in family or whatever. Avoid whatever dishonest God.Avoid whatever may become a stumbling block for others(even it is a single prson). Take example of Paul. He told that he will not eat meat just to make sure that he will not be a stumbling block to others.
Now think practically: If you take love marriage and arranged marriage, arranged marriages are more steadfast and victorious. The very reason is that in love marriage you do not know the actual personality of the person. They will never show up while you are in love. You will come to know once you are married. In marrage you have to adjust a lot. Then problems starts. In arranged marriage you are starting to know the nature and adjust accordingly.

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Reply by : jinopv   View Profile   Since : 7 Jan 2006 2:15:07 PM Close
If possible read the book "Questions young people ask" by Mr&Mrs.Briton. They answer well in western background itself( People who think western culture can be adapted by people live in those place)
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Reply by : freed801   View Profile   Since : 7 Mar 2006 11:55:56 AM Close
i don't think it's right when malayalees say that arranged marriage is the only true biblical principle for marriage.
love or arranged, God can work through both these channels.
it's true, if one is blinded by love, he might find it hard to seek the Lord's will and follow it. on the other hand, failing to get to know someone and establishing your compatibility before u make the decision might bring disastrous results. they might stick it out even though they can't stand each other, but God commands us to love your wife/husband.
it's basically a cultural issue. in the indian culture, loving somebody of the opposite sex is forbidden and there are practical reasons for it. while in the west, establishing an understanding and loving someone before marrying him/her is encouraged. in both ways, God's will must always be sought.
there should be no fear of coming to hate your husband/wife as years pass by. if it's God's will, He'll show you hw to love them. As you are filled with His love, it's abundance will overflow enabling u to love others in that pure form. the relationship will only grow and deepen as the years pass by. it's not biblical to condemn and condone the other. if ur single enrich your life with activities in service to the Almighty. God will lead you to His choice.

God Bless!!

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Reply by : riya   View Profile   Since : 29 May 2006 3:47:17 PM Close
man do all things themselves. and findout something from bible to prove them. if they want to drink some liquer they must say that jesus make awine so there is no sin in drinking some hot drinks. if they want to kill any one there is also a lot of reasons. but god will not alow any one to love before marriage.
they want to love after marriage. so plz dont make any worldly practises in our christian life.be holy
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Reply by : etoile   View Profile   Since : 29 May 2006 8:23:43 PM Close
riya,
i think that you do not understand what a love marriage is really about. i can tell that we have different cultural backgrounds just by the way we think differently on this subject, but we do serve the same Lord and that is all that matters. Do you really think that God does not allow a single person to love before they are married? Didnt Jacob love Rachel? he loved her so much that he worked seven long years for her (and seven more after recieving Leah) , and he was not satisfied when he was given Leah in her place. if God wanted us to only love after marriage then Jacob could have loved Leah easily, but thruought the whole story of their family he always never really loved Leah, because he loved Rachel so deeply. the bible says "HE (the LORD) saw that Leah was NOT loved" (Genesis 29:31)Leah thought that her husband would love her if she bore him many sons (which she did) but he never loved her and the LORD had pity on her because he saw that she was not loved by her husband.
My friends mother is in an arranged marriage and she is mistreadted so badly, she does not love her husband after all of these years and her husband does not appreciate her at all after all these years. So you tell me exactly how God only allows us to love after marriage.
I will agree that He does not want us to have "Eros" love which is sinful desireful love before marriage, and he does not want us to have "Philio" loe which is petty love expecting something in return, or being affectionate because of little unlasting things before marriage, He does not want us to have "Thelo" love before marriage which is prideful, meaning that you want to be the center of attention.
we should have "Storge" love which means that you are a team and partners. but most of all we should have "Agape" love, the love that isnt petty, domineering, desireful, or expecting. He wants us to love with "Agape" love with everyone, especially the person that we are going to spend our entire life with. WE should always have Agape love. please understand this.
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Reply by : rhema   View Profile   Since : 31 May 2006 2:33:05 AM Close
Bible has simple guidelines for marriage
1. do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. some wud say well the context is not about marriage my answer would be application can be drawn.
2.Do Not LUST
3.U dont look for a marriage partner when u r in ur teens. if u dont have intention to get married in another 7-8 yrs there is no point in having a relationship.
4.Honour ur parents
5.heart is decietful above all. so watch ot when u say i love u with all my heart or as a matter of fact someone says that to u. Use ur brian
6.my dear friends bible does not teach that love is blind but it does teach that love is pure, kind, above reproach,love is wisdom. So u decide love marriage or arrange marriage.
This is God's will. Now God wud not reveal his will by some special revelation or a dream as some of our friends have said in their replies. BiBle HIS word IS HIS Will
BECAUSE HE LIVES
RHEMA
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Reply by : rhema   View Profile   Since : 31 May 2006 2:39:06 AM Close
in refernce to what our friend Jinopv posting i would like to with all respect to our friend would like to say that marriage is not just instituted for enjoyment and procreation but is made for oneness. Onness is the prime goal of marriage. this not to physical aspect but to the soulish aspect and also very importantly to the spiritual aspect. thats why it is important to not unequally yoked with unbleievers
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Reply by : samkochu   View Profile   Since : 1 Jun 2006 2:33:46 AM Close
Dear brother raju,
i have a question..whether your friend ask God's will before he loves that girl??
please understand ,selecting our life partner is not our duty. that will be decided by the God..
we should pray to Him for this..
evenif their parents are ready to consent them to marry, we have to ask the will of God...
we have lot of examples on failure in love marriages...
He will give us guidance and will lead you select the best one.

God Bless you...

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Reply by : elsie   View Profile   Since : 5 Jun 2006 5:04:07 PM Close
I have already shared my view. since the debate is continued let me add few thoughts about the biblical marriage.Biblical marriage is the joining of 2 people _1 man and 1 woman who are equal value to God. These people come together because they believe in Jesus and want to live by His teachings.
It is monogamous and exclusive.Marriage is permenant,lasting untill one partner dies. This is a covenant relationship,expressed by spoken promises that are made legaly by a licence.
Biblical marriage is holy, because God established it.It is spiritual as well as physical relationship since both partners are to live by God's truth and priorities. Scripture says that in Biblical marriage "two become one flesh" This oneness of the marriage relationship is a compound oneness not an absolute oneness.It allows each partner to fulfill God's purposes,grow,develop, and mature within the relationship. God also uses each partner to encourrage,support and build up the other person. Married people are commited to each other, They are on the same team. When a believer marry a believer, then all these principles can apply in their marriage relationship .Thats why the scripture clearly says believers may not marry unbelievers because God does not approve of an unequal yoke. Therefor marriage is a relationship people choose to enter. The couple then works to help the relationship grow on the basis of commitment. Biblical marriage is the result of God's blessing and direction in the couple's choice and lifelong commitment to each other. May God help us to live in submission to the authority of Scripture. May we prove God's faithfulness by obeying His word Then He will bless our marriage and family relationship.
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Reply by : godsown   View Profile   Since : 27 Jul 2006 3:35:52 AM Close
Love marriage...............Noooooooooooooooooooooo. Its like Bro Varghese stated...2 people + love = goodbye God's will
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Reply by : bob_titus   View Profile   Since : 24 Aug 2006 3:49:29 PM Close
Riya,

You mean to say love starts only after the marriage cermony is over? when exactly should it begin..? after signing the register or after the last prayer?

I really feel sad to see such postings on forum like this esp, if these are the thoughts of the brethren people.

I really appreciate what etoile has to say.

Regards
Bob Titus

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Reply by : lemuelraj   View Profile   Since : 25 Aug 2006 11:14:58 AM Close
Off the topic
=============

Quoting etoile: "He wants us to love with "Agape" love with everyone."

Some examples of "AGAPE" love (please check the Greek to confirm):

1. Luke 11:43 Woe unto you, Pharisees! for ye LOVE the uppermost seats in the synagogues, and greetings in the markets.

2. John 3:19, And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men LOVED darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.

3. John 12:43, "For they LOVED the praise of men more than the praise of God.

4. 2Tim 4:10, For Demas hath forsaken me, having LOVED this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica; Crescens to Galatia, Titus unto Dalmatia.

5. 2Pet 2:15, Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Bosor, who LOVED the wages of unrighteousness;

Balaam "agaped" the wages of UNRIGHTEOUSNESS! OOPS. Looks like all "Greekers" got messed up, after having MISLED the body of Christ about this word, and telling us that unless THEY teach us the original meanings, we cannot discern the God's truth from our English Bibles. Even "wikipedia" has the following definition of "agape."

Wikipedia quote: "Agape received a broader usage under later Christian writers as the word that specifically denoted "Christian" love or "charity" (1 Corinthians 13:1–8). The New Testament provides a number of definitions and examples of agape, which generally expand on the meanings used in ancient texts, denoting brotherly love, love of one's spouse or children, and the love of God for all mankind."

Moses LemuelRaj

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Reply by : tomj   View Profile   Since : 26 Aug 2006 6:27:12 PM Close
It would be too presumptuous to look down upon anyone who learned Greek language well. There are people who are scholarly and we need to respect them for what they have done. Bro. Moses frequently puts them down, for no apparent reason and I don’t think the “scholar bashing’ is necessary to bring our thoughts across.

But I agree with Bro. Moses in regard to this over-emphasize of the word ‘agape’. Many preachers go way over board with it. This particular word ‘agape’ is not necessarily always a very sacred word. Let me add one more verse where ‘agape’ is used, where the love that is described is not at all pure and heavenly. 2Sam. 13:1 ‘After this, Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister, whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her’. This ‘agape’ love is not very sacred or heavenly, right?

I learned this from a Greek professor. So, not all ‘Greekers’ (as Bro. Moses puts it) are as bad as you think!

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Reply by : lemuelraj   View Profile   Since : 27 Aug 2006 12:27:36 PM Close
Bro. TomJ,

I stand corrected on "all Greekers," and your point is taken. Thank you. I am not really against ALL scholars. However, may I recall your attention to the fact that 2 Sam 13:1 is in OT, and the original language is Hebrew, and not Greek? The LXX of course has the word agape (hgaphsen), as pointed out by the professor.

My major objection with the Greek scholars is this -- They suggest alternate meanings to the existing text because, by their own confession, they have "more light" gathered from the secular literature in Koine Greek that was unearthed from the graves and dumps of Egypt around 1850s.

Let me explain the reasons for the "scholar bashing." We read in Hebrews 9:16-17, "For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth."

W.E.Vine, in page number 1131 of his "Vine's Expositary Dictionary of the New testament Words, with their PRECISE MEANINGS for English Readers" says, "The rendering 'the death of the testator' would make Christ a Testator, WHICH HE WAS NOT." He then goes on to give his own translation, "For where a covenant (is), a death (is) necessary to be brought in of the one covenanting; for a covenant over dead ones (victims) is sure, since NEVER HAS IT FORCE WHEN THE ONE COVENANTING LIVES."

So according to Mr.Vine, a COVENANT requires the DEATH of the one covenanting, and NEVER HAS IT FORCE WHEN THE ONE COVENANTING LIVES. That is the most STUPIDEST statement any man can make if he has read the Bible at least a couple if times. God made a COVENANT with Noah and all creatures (Gen 9:16), and IT WAS IN FORCE for centuries before the covenant Maker came into this world and died. So it is with many other covenants in the Scriptures.

W.E.Vine had the gall to assert that Christ is NOT a Testator, pretending to have "more light," and ended up displaying his ignorance of what a "covenant" is in the Holy Scriptures.

Moses

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Reply by : johnsonme   View Profile   Since : 11 Sep 2006 8:09:27 AM Close
Nice to see this post.. It's ofcourse a confusing topic. But if you make it simple, you can understand it perfectly.
There is a saying that good things comes with a price tag. If there is no price tag, you can be sure about the first warning regarding the quality of the product. It duplicates the famous quote "No Pain, No Gain".
Marriage is for life. It is not just for a short term business. This shows the amount of risk involved in selecting a partner. Even a slightest mistake will become very costly. Extremly costly in the sight of the God. In short taking a marriage decision is a job carrying high responsability.
If we see in the corperate scenario, high responsability jobs are given to much matured persons. This is because that older people are much matured and they have learned a lot more about life than newcomers. Day to day decisions in business are taken by these veterans, that makes a business highly successful.
In marriage also, I prefer to appoint matured people in taking decisions. Because, matured decisions without temptations will lay strong foundation for a successful christian family in the coming years.
So obey your God, your Mother and your Father. Always make sure that your decision is based on true facts. Not on temptations.
"Risk is introduced when you don't know what you are doing" - Warran Buffet
Don't spoil the beautiful life which God has given. Even the slightest mistake will cost a lot in your life. Be careful.
Just as God is watching you, Satan is also watching, to get a chance to crush you to "ground zero". Satan can do it. That why the spirit of God has included "The book of Job" in the bible.
Belive and trust in God. At the same time, don't forget to obey Him.

~Johnson

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Reply by : greencard   View Profile   Since : 19 Sep 2006 5:49:24 AM Close
A good article on selecting life partner==>>

http://www.biblecentre.org/topics/bw_choosing_a_marriage_partner.htm

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Reply by : charliemat777   View Profile   Since : 27 Sep 2006 4:50:36 AM Close
the right person can come to you thru various situations or circumstances. lets not try and dissect here. God can use any person or situation. however i am afraid that in arranged marriages many a times the selection is done purely based on physical aspects like looks & beauty. this is all that is possible in a closed door meeting of 10 minutes. i see in many occassions in kerala where the parents go on a bride or a groom hunt almost like they are looking for cattle. this is really sad state of affairs. whereas when a couple becomes interested in each other it is most of the time due to liking of the inner personality or character.

but before all this i feel that one must start praying once you are nearing marriageable age and God will lead you to the right person whether it is thru intermediaries or even directly.

there are umpteen instances of good and bad marriages in both love & arranged. not all arranged marriages are God ordained nor all love marriages are God ordained.

let us not let our cultural influences cloud our beliefs because in india all sections of the society have arranged marriages whether hindu, muslim, sikh, parsis or jains

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Reply by : justinkwilliams   View Profile   Since : 25 Sep 2007 6:46:40 AM Close
Please Read Bible Daily..

And also follow..,
I cor 6:9 onwards


II cor 12:19...
Gal 5:9...
II cor 9:6...
II cor 6:14....

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Reply by : toomuchistrue   View Profile   Since : 30 Dec 2007 3:53:26 AM Close
Hello All,
Its amazing that just a couple of days ago, I had a very interesting discussion with one of Christian friends on this same topic. I learned some things which I think is important. One important thing to remember is that often times our perception of a, 'love marriage,' is more Hollywood than reality. In reality, love at first sight is not true love....it is often lust. A Christian love marriage is when two people get to know each other in terms of spiritual goals, on how much they have surrendered themselves to Christ and whether they can walk down the same spiritual path together. This is when love based on Christ is built in the true sense of the word. I personally don't see this happening in the current form of arranged marriages for a couple of reasons. the first is because often God is given a small role. We sing the song..he makes all things beautiful in our weddings...but it usually ends up being the parent, "who makes all things beautiful." The parent often decides on the person based on metrics such as family, money and social standing but spirituality is often lost. Spiritual goals can only be discerned through interaction....(our 10 min talk is not sufficient) I believe that on the whole, arranged marriages place too much emphasis on, 'human arrangement,' rather than God working in his time and we sincerely praying and waiting....
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Reply by : jones   View Profile   Since : 8 Mar 2008 6:11:15 AM Close
i love this topic. y? b'coz i am going thru a real life situation in this very topic. the reality of the topic is that for those who claim to be open minded trust me when it strikes in ur family , u'll go blitz. well i am not the parent, but a youngster who is at the recieving end from one of the biggest brethrens at present time. yes they have done a lot for the brethren movement. yet i have come to realize how destructive christians can become. there is no biblical evidence to prove that love marriage is wrong. for all those who said about isaac and rebecca as an astronomical eg for arranged marriage, how come two of their descendants easu and jacob, fought throughtout ages. marrying itself is not the key, their descendants should also be good. with all due respect who can bank on the word of elders. these are the same elders who are a ticking time bomb waiting to destroy churches, who also are bright eg of bad parenting many times. i might be wrong, but please feel free to correct me. lets think together and look towards the Lord for answers and the word of God. i can understand the whole concept of the ornament thing, but if two believers like each others and want to live together, i believe it should go forth. please feel free to personally mail me at jbabym@gmail.com
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Reply by : frenchbeard   View Profile   Since : 6 Apr 2009 6:38:39 AM Close
There is absolutely nothing wrong someone who you love, and is
a believer.

Many people argue about love marriages ending in divorces just
like Hollywood. Please do not compare rich, filthy, egostic,
adventurous people to born-again believers. I have seen more believers getting divorced after arranged marriages than people
with 'love' marriages. It all depends on your spiritual goals and commitment.

As far as I know, nowhere else will you find the term 'arranged'
and 'love' marriage, other than in India.

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Reply by : jmeasow   View Profile   Since : 23 Apr 2009 6:40:55 PM Close
Tough to say... But I believe that arranged marriages are better performed, because of their matured approach.

Love marriages are encouraged, only when both understand the background and situations of each other. Fake social/financial/personal status and lust, always becomes flop, when the real life begins, just after the honeymoon.

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Reply by : ronythomas   View Profile   Since : 21 Dec 2009 3:13:50 AM Close

can anyone answer me this question??i was searching the answer but i couldn't get it exactly.please help me to find the answer.i posted this same question in another forum.but i couldn't get te answer till now

actually i'm in love with an RC(roman catholic) girl & she too loves me a lot.i think my love is pure, i mean i never had sex with her or never created a bad image of her and never had any sex talks. she is ready 2accpt lord jesus christ as her savior and is prepared to get baptism.but she cannot do it right now because her parents don't know about this relationship.we are not planning to marry without the approval of our parents.

                   is it against the god's will in continuing a relationship with her???

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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 21 Dec 2009 4:14:52 AM Close

(Reposting my comments from Nov 2, 2002 in this same thread)

 

I would be extremely happy to meet 2 young believers in love, yet is seeking the Lord's perfect Will.

 

When we find 2 people in "love", the Lord's Will is absolutely out of the window. An undivided heart is required to know His will. As human beings, being in love will not produce an undivided heart.

 

Our tendency often is to see how far we can go close to the line w/o stepping over it. We tend to test God and His purposes. Brethren, merely satisfying God's law of "marry only believers" is not enough.

 

True love for someone is when we refuse to violate that person emotionally or physically by claiming that person as ours. Simply because that person is also God's property and maybe God has kept someone else for that person and we are merely grabbing the opportunity for our own selfish desires. Unless and until God gives us divine love (as in 1 Cor 13) to love that person, we are merely cultivating a different type of love ("Eros" or "Philia").

 

The question is whether we can trust God for all our needs including marriage and be willing to wait until God shows us and accept what He gives.

 

God Bless!

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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 21 Dec 2009 4:19:28 AM Close

Now to some additional comments:

The Scripture teaches us to not be unequally yoked with a non-believer (2 Cor 6:14). I believe this includes the area of dating/courting an unbeliever or even entertaining the idea. Marriage is not and never meant to be a mission field.
 
Rony, I appreciate you showing interest in knowing God’s will in this area. The question that I love to ask is whether you are 100% willing to obey God’s will at any cost? Or in other words, are you willing to give this relationship up if it is against God’s will or/and against Scripture? 
 
The first thing that we must know for sure is whether we are breaking any commandments laid in the Scripture. Knowing God’s will only comes after the 1st requirement is met.
 
God’s will is only revealed to those who seek it with a desire to submit to it any cost. God’s will is not a magic box where we can look into it and then decide whether we want to follow it or not.
 
Hope this helps.
 
God Bless!
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Reply by : ronythomas   View Profile   Since : 21 Dec 2009 5:25:19 AM Close

yeah i'm 100%  willing to obey god's will and is ready to give up this relationship if it is against god's will.but she is ready to accept lord jesus christ her savior.but she can't do it right now.....

 i'm looking for the answer for a long time.i ddn't get till now..i want to know whether i'm going against god's will or not.....i can just pray for it....thats what i can do....we both dont know what to do in this situation....we dont want to go against the scripture...we never use to go for dating or anything of that kind....we just use to  talk in the weekends....thats all...

please do help me to go through the right path...

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Reply by : pc   View Profile   Since : 25 Dec 2009 8:30:32 AM Close

Hi rony,

Your love is a true love.  Bible says do not yoke with unbelievers.  If she wants to be a believer then there is not any question of going against the will of God.  She doesn't need permission from her parents to receive Christ.  She needs to meet a christian counselor/pastor/evangelist/elder to understand the message of the gospel.  Once she commit her life to christ she is a christian and your decision to get married is in accordance with the will of God. Parents and church have no business to mess with you.  Baptism  can be done before or after marriage.  If you love her you don't  need anybody's permission to get married.  Find a church where there is no gossip.

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Reply by : eldomathai   View Profile   Since : 2 Jan 2010 7:42:19 AM Close

I don't find any scripture telling that love marraige is prohibited for the believers also I did'nt find any Scripture says Love marriage allowed ...

so dear brother please learn the Basic Bible doctrines and what is GOD's idea on marriage ....betr u ask to GOD rather than others....because these days people are teaching Zak's theory..Joy's Mayors theory...John's theory ect...but GOD has only one theory and only one Bible interpretation.Stick to that.....as our parents and grant parents did...as berovians....see you..tanx ...

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Reply by : thank   View Profile   Since : 10 Jan 2010 7:19:49 AM Close

dear brothers in christ..

What   if   two   believers  are  in  love   and   they   wish  to  get   maried..They  discussed  this  with  their  parents  but  one  of  the  parents dont  agree  for  this  marriage.  But  still  these  two  believes  are  still  in  love  and  they  pray  for  their  marriage.. is  this  right ?

PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR VALUABLE  OPINIONS

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Reply by : joyboy   View Profile   Since : 14 Jan 2010 5:06:18 PM Close

Listen to these messages, especially Part 1

Ravi Zacharias: "I Isaac, take thee Rebekah": 

Part 1 http://htod.cdncon.com/o2/rzimht/MP3/LMPT/114-1.mp3

Part 2 http://htod.cdncon.com/o2/rzimht/MP3/LMPT/114-2.mp3

 

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Reply by : ayyopavam   View Profile   Since : 3 Jul 2010 7:18:50 AM Close

I am a brethren belever and i married a catholic girl in 1999.  now she saved and baptised and we have two kids as well. my marriege was in our  church.now we are having very much  happy life in famly asd well as in assemply. it was a love & arenged one. is it wrong what i did.

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Reply by : ayyopavam   View Profile   Since : 3 Jul 2010 7:25:08 AM Close

after 2 months my mariege we went to my work place in north india  our elder told me to not partisipeting in KARTHRUMESHA for few months until they say.i agreed with them cose i know that each and evry church are indipendent  and the elders can make disition on the belevers. by the grace of god after 8 months my wife accepet jesus as her savior.then they say u can take part from the karthrumesha. Q   is is it biblical. ?

 

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Reply by : mahesh   View Profile   Since : 2 Sep 2010 10:40:58 AM Close

Dear Brother !

what r u thinking like this?

we are all in Gods love. you say your friends also belivers, so there is defferent between others and belivers. belivers fill with gods love , so young belivers also with gods love. when yougers with god, we know what he is, in this world True LOVE Never fails. if it is between humans also.

Think about Gods True Love For Us

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Reply by : godley   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2011 9:27:29 AM Close

 seek God's will...

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Reply by : elwin   View Profile   Since : 16 Oct 2011 2:18:45 PM Close

 love marriage is wrong...................................................... are you and ur parents are greater than GOD............................To select anything....................... dear God will give a apt girl for you...............................pls read1CORIN.10:22 Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He?

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Reply by : robins1   View Profile   Since : 17 Oct 2011 7:55:57 AM Close

Dear Elwin

I read the verse but it doesnt say anything about marriage at all..leave alone love marriage..

 

 

 

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Reply by : ifellinlovewithamalayalee   View Profile   Since : 5 Dec 2011 7:02:11 AM Close

God's time is never late nor advance. that's all.

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Reply by : rtdaniel   View Profile   Since : 10 Apr 2013 11:35:22 AM Close

There is a very wrong conception about "love marriage" among the believers. As one preacher in Kerala said, "no one should get marry before they love each other." Love does not start after marriage rather love leads to marriage. The most important example given to us in the Bible is of the Church and Jesus Christ.". We have the examples of Adam & Eve, Isaac & Rebekah in the OT.    

 Marriage is not just an affair between a man and a woman. Nor is it just a matter between the families concerned. It has got much wider scope and implications since God is the founder of this institution.

In Gen: 1:27 and 2:18-24 the Scriptures tell us that God created man as male and female and established an inseparable life together. God has also given us clear guidelines, through the examples and teachings of the Apostles for carrying on this relationship in this world.

In the Old Testament we have the examples of Adam, the first man, and Isaac the promised seed of Abraham. Then in the New Testament we have a much better picture of Christ and His Church.

What are some of the lessons we may call from these examples?

Gen.1:27, 28 “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth”.

Though man had such an exalted position over the creation, there still was an indeterminate need in him. We read in Gen 2:20 that, “In all the creation of God Adam did not find a helper compatible to him”. The expression ‘did not find’ indicates that he was looking for one. God recognized this need. So God said “it is not good for man to be alone” (Ch.2: 18) God Himself made a provision, as we read in Verses 20 and 21 of Chapter 2. God separated a rib-the female part-from Adam and a woman was made and was brought to the man. Adam found in her something that he has been looking for in other creation so intently, (‘A helpmate-a compatible helper’) but could not find. She was the bone out of his bones and the flesh out of his flesh. Adam accepted what God has provided and his need was met.

Isaac’s need for a bride was recognized by his father Abraham and he took the initiative in finding a solution. But he did not do the choosing for his son. He left it to God and depended upon the leading of the Holy Spirit. Isaac accepted God’s choice without any question or complaint. (Gen 24:67). His bride did not come without a price. (Gen: 24:53) Jewelry of silver, gold and clothing were given to her and her household.

It was the desire of God the father to provide a bride for His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. The bride was chosen by God Himself, and was given to Christ. (“Of all He has given me”. John 6:39, “My father who has given them to me” John 10:29). But Christ paid the price to redeem His bride.

How sad it is that, today we, though claim to have understood the Word of God clearly, have neglected these Biblical teachings for the sake of earthly gains? We have taken some of the practices from the heathen society in which we grew up and tried to match it with the Word of God. We have not paid any attention to the principles taught in the Bible. Both the Eastern and Western ways are equally evil and heathen. 

In the East (India) marriages are traditionally arranged by parents. They fix up certain criteria for the bride to be, such as dowry, family status, physical beauty, educational qualification, profession etc. When the girl satisfies most of these, they say it is the will of God. But the fact is that neither the parents nor the bridegroom did ever seek the will of God! They were following their own hearts’ earthly desires. The practice of seeing several girls, as “proposed brides” must be condemned, as it is nothing but a beauty contest and evil in itself.

In the West young people find their own life partners after courting and changing several partners. They go out and spend time together and even try living together to find out if they are ‘compatible’. After dating several partners they finally decide on one and get married, only to find out, after all, they have married the wrong person! This should be condemned with the strongest disapproval, as the most pagan practice of all. It is against the Word of God. It is just a permissive, licentious living, simply to fulfill their fleshly desires.

Let us look at the lessons from the examples given to us:

1.   God understands the need of man and it is God who makes the provision to meet this need. It never fails – we should allow God to bring His choice before us. We are to wait upon Him prayerfully.

2.   The first wife was made out of Adam’s body; they had a common origin, the family of God. Abraham made his servant to swear that he will not take a wife for his son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom he dwelt, but shall go to his country and to his family, and take a wife for Isaac. The principle here is: Both the partners should be from the same family, the family of God-not from the community we live in, nor the culture we are accustomed to, but of the family of God. A child of God should only marry a child of God.

3.   The bride was chosen by God. Neither the bridegroom nor the bride, nor their families had any role in the choice. Eve was presented before Adam and he accepted her without any questions. The Church, the bride of Christ was chosen by God and Christ accepted all that are given to Him.

      It is often heard from many a pulpit that Isaac’s marriage was arranged by Abraham and therefore all marriages must be arranged by parents. It is a distortion of the truth. This idea comes from our culture in which we live and our desire to Christianize it. In fact Abraham had nothing to do in choosing a bride for his son. He depended upon God, (Gen 24:12-20) and trusted Him fully to bring the right choice for his son.

4.   The bride and bridegroom recognized each other as God’s chosen partners and accepted each other. To recognize the leading of God, both the partners should be in fellowship with God and seek His will. In Gen: 24:63 Isaac was in fellowship with God at the time he met Rebecca. Adam was in fellowship with God. Jesus was in constant communion with God the Father. They all accepted God’s choice for them as soon as they met-realizing that they are meeting God’s own choice. There was no consultation with anyone. God will never fail a person who is seeking His will and trusting Him to do His job. God is sovereign. He will never make a mistake. Let us leave to God what He desires to do for us. The root cause of most of today’s marital problems is that the couples have not sought God’s will in their life. Rather they depended on their own or their parents wisdom and discretion in finding a compatible partner.

5.   Abraham took the initiative in seeking a bride for Isaac. It was the desire of the God the father to provide a bride for His Son and He sent His Son to purchase her. All through the Bible wherever marriage is mentioned, we see the same principle repeated. Man takes the initiative in seeking a bride. Whereas in Indian culture we wait for the girl’s party to come to the boy first. It is again a conformation to the heathen culture and not a Biblical model.

6.   The price must be paid to the bride. Abraham sent gold ornaments and dress to adorn his son’s   well equipped for a woman to live, as Sara lived there for long time.

7.   A unique lesson is taught in the relationship between Christ and the Church.

The Church today is betrothed to Christ and not married. They are in an engagement period. During this period she is to love Him and get to know Him, and wait for His coming in all fidelity and chastity, to take her home to be with Him, for the consummation of the marriage. Christ will, never take strangers to His wedding feast. Those who are betrothed to Him are washed and sanctified by His precious blood. They are expected to know Him intimately and to be conformed to His likeness while they await His coming. Such are the ones who will accompany Him to the wedding feast.

The idea of an engagement period is often considered unimportant for many reasons. But it is Biblical. A couple has to get to know each other and develop a love-bond between them during this period before they are formally married and begin a family life. Learning to love after marriage is not the Biblical pattern. Dating and courting as it is practiced in the Western society should only be done during this time. Such things are not essentially wrong, after two people have known God’s choice for them and have decided to accept each other. In fact such a period might be necessary to understand each other and develop a strong affection for one another. Dating and courting are not necessary to find out God’s will and are not acceptable before knowing God’s will, before making a firm decision to accept one another. It should be remembered that, it is possible for even a highly spiritual couple to become prey to the desires of flesh. So, utmost care must be taken to avoid any possibility of yielding to temptations. Engagement does not give a license to do all what they want.

The book of Song of Solomon is not only an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the Church. It also portrays the love between a bride and her bridegroom in a romantic setting. That is why such an explicit language is used. A couple is encouraged to develop this kind of love and romance between them during the engagement period just as the church is expected to develop this spiritual intimacy with Christ while she is in the world. Bible never gives any freedom for physical intimacy before marriage. They are to live separately and not to ‘come together’ until they are united in holy matrimony. It is also clear in the writings of the apostles.

In the book of SoSo. the Holy Spirit gives some clear guidelines and steps of restrains a couple should maintain. Ch.2:7 “I charge you… …..” This chorus is repeated in ch.3:5 and in ch.8:4. In the first two places it was before marriage or during their engagement period while they continued to cultivate their love. This expression is clearly is the evidence of her commitment to a chaste life before and during the marriage. She invites accountability to the daughters of Jerusalem. She knows that the intensity of her love to her beloved cannot yet be experienced until the wedding. So she invites the daughters of Jerusalem to keep her accountable regarding her sexual purity. This is a good example to be followed by every couple before marriage. This will help a couple to keep themselves from falling in to lustful temptations and keep themselves pure during courtship.

In ch.8:1 she says if you were my brother I would have kissed you outside without being embarrassed. This indicates that she withdrew herself from publically expressing her love to her husband even after marriage. By this time the marriage already took place(Ch.5). Yet it was not suitable or fitting to the culture to express their love in public. It was acceptable for a sister to express her love to her brother in public. But, not between husband and wife. So she restrained herself and waited until they are in a privet circumstance.

Young couple should take this very seriously. You have three generations of people before you. Before you involve in any act of affection in public you must consider these three generations. While some form of expression is acceptable to your generation will it be acceptable to the older generation and will it be an example to the younger generation, will it offend anyone? Will it create confusion and dishonor to the Lord or bring harmony and honor to the Lord?

Throughout the Bible wherever the topic of marriage is discussed, it speaks of man ‘taking’ a wife for him and the woman ‘given’ in marriage. (Luke 20:34). Christ also speaks about the one that are given to Him by the Father (John 6:39; 10:29). Isaac took Rebecca (Gen 24:67) and she was given (Gen 24:51). This teaching is evident in Paul’s writings also. The man has the right to take a wife for himself, but not without the permission of her parents. She has to be given in marriage. The mystery concerning Christ and the Church is being unraveled progressively through this picture of a man and a woman coming together according to the design of God.

 

 

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