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Keralabrethren.net: Sisters' Forum: Dating

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# 00036 :  Dating
In western countries it is called "Dating" and in our Kerala it is called "Olichottam". Now some of our poor(Western style adopted nadan malayali, especially living in US)believers encourages their kids to do that. It is the modern, fashionable term of pre-marital sex. Dear brothers & sisters, What do you think about this?
Post by : Achayan & Ammama  View Profile    since : 5 Jul 2003


Reply by : mv   View Profile   Since : 6 Jul 2003 2:36:37 PM Close
Our Western born kids (Malayalees) are facing cultural problem. Teaching word of God alone doesnot solve this problem. Our brothers and sisters have no solution for this. What will we do? Many of us are attending English Churches. How can we say our children, a born-again White partner from the same church is not suitable for them. We don't want our kids ending-up marrying a white or black partner. So only solution is send them to Malayalee congregation or conventions. Let them find a partner? Bringing a partner from Kerala is not the right solution.
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Reply by : Jonathan   View Profile   Since : 8 Jul 2003 6:12:37 PM Close
What's wrong with a white or black partner? Who are you to say that someone is ineligible to be a life partner because of the colour of their skin? That is racist, pure and simple. We are all of one race, God's redeemed people, and as such, there is no jew, nor greek!

The western dating model is wrong. The current Indian model of arrangement is wrong. More often than not, the arrangement is done for superficial reasons, such as job, looks etc (just look at the matrimonials on this site for evidence). We must prayerfully, with our children, consider partners for them spiritually. If they meet someone on their own, they must involve the parents! Prayer is the key!

Who are we to limit God's will by saying that our children can't marry certain kinds of people because of silly things.

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Reply by : Brethen B.   View Profile   Since : 6 Aug 2003 2:01:38 PM Close
Alex I appreciate your comment about this considering you are in your teens.

Consider the situation one don’t like the partner after dating for many months. Consider dating many boys/girls like this. In the young mind the possibility of committing adultery or pre-marital sex is very high which is a sin at the sight of God. It is not at all advisable to push this young generation to choose their partner with their young mind. Opinion from the matured, elderly, married, spiritual people is an inevitable thing in a marriage proposal.

Here in America, in the name of “dating” they live together for 6 years before marriage, then get marry and divorce after 6 months. By the time they will have 2 kids. This is the after effect of promoting the so called “dating”.

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Reply by : Oommen Philip   View Profile   Since : 29 Aug 2003 11:43:44 AM Close
For all our decisions in life, whether profitable or not, we will have to pay a price. There is a price to pay for migration, which is often very heavy. Many of our girls in gulf countries wear nail polish, and other make-up and some ornaments also. In the West, 'dating' is part of the culture, and when our children mix with unbelievers of their age, they learn from them and slowly, but steadily, copy them. Unless one is extra careful, it is very difficult to avoid the ill-effects of dating. I know Western families, where dating is done only with the approval of parents, for limited time, to go to approved places, like Christian concert, or such places or events. Parents influence children in such a way that often decisions are family decisions. Mothers usually stay at home and teach and look after children. Children are often not sent to school, but taught through home-schooling by mothers and then they go as matured and uncorrupt children to college, mainly as day scholars. Those concerned about dating may
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Reply by : Oommen Philip   View Profile   Since : 29 Aug 2003 11:50:48 AM Close
(Cont.) kindly look at these options also. There may be a lot of value in keeping closer contact with the homeland through expensive, but profitable, yearly or so visits, keeping in touch with homeland brethren and their families etc. No point in criticising 'dating', but we keep the ill-effects minimum, by keeping our distance. May God speak to us and comfort us so that we can use His resources to handle our children. In Kerala, dating has not been acceptable, but we see the seeds of this in the larger metros of India. Yes, soon, lik ear rings, jeans, hair styles, make-ups of the worldly type,and the many other forms of worldliness, dating may also come as more prominant in Kerala. Let us pray and tremble before the LOrd about all of these. The vanity fare is out there trying to steal us and our childrren away from our devotion and love to Jesus. May God show us mercy.
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Reply by : Concerned Christians   View Profile   Since : 8 Oct 2003 5:43:18 PM Close
The Scripture says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it"
If each one of us teach our children to be godly christians and obedient to the word of God, they will be wise in choosing their partners, either by dating or not.
The greatest responsibility lies on the parents to train your child in the "ways of the Lord". We forget that part and we try to train our children according to our ways and our culture and not according to God's ways.
The life of Samuel is a very clear description of that.
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Reply by : shalom   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2003 7:02:25 AM Close
Dear Achayan and Ammamma

After all these discussions, I have been awaiting to read your responses. What encouragment have you received from the discussions? How do you feel now? What decisions are you trying to take or have already taken? May God grant you the widsom to continue to bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Phil. 4:4-7

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Reply by : johnson2   View Profile   Since : 12 Dec 2004 7:52:29 AM Close
DEAR ALL,
ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD... WHICH IS NOT FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL IMPROVEMENT.....ALL YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT... IT IS THE TRICK OF SATAN.
SO YOU SHOULD FIRST THINK ..ARE WE GETTING ANYTHING FROM OUR LORD FOR OUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH BY DATING AND DO NOT FALL INTO THE HANDS OF SATAN
JOHNSON PONMANISSERY
SENIOR MANAGER
CATHOLIC SYRIAN BANK
M.G ROAD
TRICHUR
KERALA
INDIA
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Reply by : johnson2   View Profile   Since : 12 Dec 2004 7:57:59 AM Close
DEAR ALL
DONT FALL IN TO THE HANDS OF SATAN BY THE NAME OF DATING
SATAN IS VERY TRICKEY
HE WILL DO ALL THE WAYS TO TRAP YOU
SO TRY TO WALK WITH LOARD HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU
JOHNSON PONMANISSERY
SENIOR MANAGER
CATHOLIC SYRIAN BANK
M.G ROAD
TRICHUR
KERALA
INDIA PHONE. . MOB.NO. 09349855771
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Reply by : susanmathews   View Profile   Since : 13 Dec 2004 11:36:36 AM Close
to avoid divorse dating is very much needed.marriage by knowing each other is needded now a days to avoid divorse
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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 14 Dec 2004 10:39:54 AM Close
Dear susanmathews,

I am not trying to disprove what you wrote on 13/12/2004; "to avoid divorse dating is very much needed.marriage by knowing each other is needded now a days to avoid divorse." I am interested to know how did you come to this interesting conclusion.

When I look around, those who got married after much dating are ending up in divorce. Especially, the divorce rate is over 50%. Is there any data to support your assertion?

Shalom malekim!!!

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Reply by : ba   View Profile   Since : 6 Jan 2005 12:49:10 PM Close
Dosent scripture say, "If you look at a women with lust, you have commited adultry with her in your heart".

The bible rebukes anyform of lust. Dating is one of them. We are disobeying the commandment of god. A question I want to bring up is, where is the family values?

Thank You.

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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 24 Apr 2005 3:11:34 PM Close
I don't see raising a child in this world is a difficult thing. Train up a child in the way he/she should grow. He/she will not depart from it. You must do that before their 5th birthday. Then leave it into God's hand. Pray for them daily. God will take care of it.
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Reply by : introspective   View Profile   Since : 26 Apr 2005 11:54:52 AM Close
This is a question that has been asked for years and years with the same shallow responses given by the adults (who haven't dated) which are then mocked by the young people in private. What is important here is to recognize that our young people are not satisfied with what they see in our communities as it pertains to finding a spouse. Parents look for doctors and engineers for their daughters, good-looking girls with "fair" complexion for their sons and ABSOLUTELY no children of evangelists. This is a perversion that our young people see and they want to feel that they have some control over it. If a young man in our assembly meets a young woman at some convention or meeting and finds her to be a good christian partner, can't he have the freedom to speak to his family and proceed with communication with the girl? Can't he spend some time with her so that they can see if their views on life are similar? Can they not get together in prayer with their parents' consent? Why do we assume that they will engage in sexual activity as soon as we leave them alone-do we feel that we have not raised them well so far? Every parent has to make a decision for themselves and their children, but don't assume that if you close all options, that your children will abide by it. Look at the examples in your local assemblies and you will find that parents who have been ultra rigid have been the ones to shed the most tears. Yes, dating as seen in the popular culture has caused many excesses, but look at the family lives of much of our previous generation and you won't find perfection there either. I am not a proponent of dating, but let's examine what are the roots of such questions.
To Jonathan - Marriage is a difficult prospect to begin with; why complicate it further by looking among other races and all the cultural incompatibilities that go with it. Also note that most of our people marry 'white' and not 'black' or 'spanish' - do they feel that they are marrying "UP"??
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Reply by : wilson609   View Profile   Since : 28 Apr 2005 12:03:54 PM Close
if we accept bible to be our constitution as brethren we cannot find dating being approved by the holy word.how then can we justify dating to be right.parents have infact the divine duty of finding suitable life partners for their children as we learn from the life of Abraham.can someone pl show me refernce which supports dating
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Reply by : sweet&sour   View Profile   Since : 28 Apr 2005 4:00:23 PM Close
my parents will spank me if I ever think about d'. because my studies are my number one priority! My mom will spank me so hard, i will see stars-circling my head like a cartoon character. Both my parents don't allow me to d'
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 4 May 2005 11:59:34 AM Close
susanmathews,

You don't need dating to stay alive in marriage. You don't need a wedding ring to prove that you are married. There are gossipers who do that work. Bible doesn't teach dating. If you have social problems and want to talk with somebody before marriage, it is a problem. That is not the way to find a chrisitan partner. You have to pray to God before you start.

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Reply by : llcj   View Profile   Since : 18 May 2005 4:17:23 PM Close
Abraham found Isaac's wife--an example of parental arrangements.

Jacob found his own wife--an example of the child finding his/her own spouse.

Finding a spouse is a thing that can only be entered into prayerfully.

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Reply by : Philip1   View Profile   Since : 19 May 2005 11:24:52 PM Close
Shame Shame Shame?
Dating,
some one went very far to say dating is sex. Adultry.
Hi I believe most of the people who have responded to the string looked at the subject as something evil.
Yet dating is a wonderful thing.
Dating is not, not sexual engagement.
Dating is a opportunity where two people get together to get know each other.
This could be a controlled environment where with permission from both side of the family a couple get together in proper places to get know each other. Not Physically get know but knowledge about each other.
I know there is not much about dating in the Bible but often times men did take initiative in finding the woman for themselves. It was brides father who gave these girls to these guys. Yet let me tell you Girls were mere properties of their father at those times. Times has changed. Now female human beings do have the right to be an indivisual and make the decision for themselves. So in the case of marriage also they have such rights.
In these days it would be in the best interest of the couple to get together and talk about what they really want from their spouses and have a clear understanding of each other before they make commitment to get married.
Our white or black counterparts do not believe in sex before marriage just as well as malayalees. If they are children of God, they do believe in the purity just as malayalees. Malayalees are not the only holiness Christians in this world.
So get your dirty thinking our when you hear the word dating. Be practical in approaching your marriage. 1, Prayer 2, Proper consulting with parents. 3, talk to each other and find if this is the person for you. 4, Be carefull in each step of the way DO NOT LOOSE YOUR PURITY AND INTEGRITY AND DESTROY YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED. YOU CANNOT, CAN NOT GET BACK WHAT YOU HAVE LOST. IF YOU LOOSE YOUR VIRGINITY BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED. SO DO NOT COMMIT SIN.
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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 20 May 2005 11:09:09 AM Close
Times do change but the Word of God does NOT change according to our needs!

It is God who ordained marriage and it is He who blesses a marriage. No dating will ever make two people know each other well enough to get married. If dating is so great, America would not have 50/50 marriage success/failure rate! There is security in seeking guidance from Godly People including parents.

Having interest in someone is ok but then, each person must submit their desires to God and seek His counsel before even venturing out. If someone insist on “getting to know” someone, try courting i.e. get to know someone in a public setting, which is a lot more honorable.

God does not make a mistake. The question is whether we are willing to trust God for all our needs!

God Bless!

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Reply by : mmk   View Profile   Since : 27 May 2005 1:05:20 AM Close
Dear friends,
It is unfortunate that many think dating is a pure form of lust or premarital sex. Webster gives dating this explanation. "A person of the oppsite sex with whom one has an appointment for a social engagement". A SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT! Not a "hide-out" and not a "run-away".

As a parent of 2 grown sons, happily married I can tell you parents out there that you must not wait until children reach the age to be married to teach them about choosing their life-partners. Have open dialogue with children appropriate for their age. God has given us the responsibility to train them up in the way they should walk so that they will not depart from it even when thay are old. It is a fact that children will learn what they live and undoubtedly they will live what they have learned. They learn from our spoken and unspoken languages. They learn from our attitudes. following is part of a quote from an unknown author. "If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world". So parents, let us bring up a generation of young men and women after God's own heart. They will not do what is evil in His sight.

To the young readers: Examine the word of God! It has answers to all and every problem you may face. Let the Bible be your guide! Obey your parents, seek their counsel. They only want the best for you. It doesn't matter what somebody else's parents have to say. After all God gave you to them, to nurture, to train and to admonish.

God bless!


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Reply by : sharon4christ   View Profile   Since : 27 May 2005 11:41:52 PM Close
I really dont understand why this topic was posted !!

Its sooooooo sad to feel that this topic have been posted in this forum which claims to be for our spiritual enhancement .

I've nothing to say about the posted topic .

But i dont feel its needed in between the midst of BORN AGAIN and BAPTIZED believers .......
who hope in HIS word & HIS promise !!


Dear Achayan & Ammama ,
What did u gained or learnt from all this ???


With CHRISTIAN GREETINGS :
Sharon

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Reply by : rejoice1   View Profile   Since : 9 Jun 2005 4:18:20 PM Close
Dating is totally against the bible ,but courting is Biblical.Dating involves switching partners off and on .Courting is the correct Biblically accepted one.
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Reply by : johanna   View Profile   Since : 12 Jun 2005 12:01:58 AM Close
Dating and olichottam are the same!!!!!!!!!!????????????? interesting.
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Reply by : terry_martin   View Profile   Since : 16 Jun 2005 10:27:19 AM Close
Dating is a very misinterpreted and misused word in this present age. Why and how dating was accepted in the society then is not how it still stands and practiced in this present world. Every adult every youth and for that matter even every child knows now what dating is all about and what its end result or consequence is.
ITS NOT AN ESSENTIAL PRACTICE & ITS NOT AN HEALTHY PRACTICE ANYMORE (anywhere in the world). Dating does not and never will enhance marriage bliss but in turn would harm marriage severely. Dating does not enhance relationship but in turn destroys it. Dating does not make one a good human being but in turn makes one promuscious.Dating is not healthy, its harmful since whats not good is bad.
Whether we be in the west or in our own country India, this practice can very much be avoided if Parents,'Train up their children....(as said in the scriptures)'and teach them christian values and priorities and the Elders in our Assemblies give particular importance to our youth and do not discard them. Empty mind is a devils workshop, which is very much what our youth are who have never been given any significant role. All they do is carry their Bible and attend the worship service. Sit in the back benches of all meetings which they attend as per their choice and no one else show any concern. The church should help the youth more than the adults who are well fed spiritually. Help them have youth programmes/meetings, prayer cells, take them along in house visits(or any other gospel ministries of the assembly), young sisters to be encouraged to be active in the sisters meeting. They are members of one body too so lets not discard them but instead help/support them to play significant roles in our gathering so that their minds would be centered in spiritual things and would be spiritually strong to resist the evil one and all his designs. Parents & Church elders beware and take note. If not for your prayerful intervention, Dating can and will become an explosive evil amongst our people.
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Reply by : ssb   View Profile   Since : 16 Jun 2005 10:55:25 AM Close
hi al.wat is datin????? its jus 2 people of opp sex meetin up at some place n talkin.U cal it datin then its one or else its jus meetin of people.only dirty minds can assume al bad things happen when a guy n a gal meet.Liv life wit the aim of pleasin God n not our petty mind settins.
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Reply by : bbg   View Profile   Since : 19 Jun 2005 5:42:17 AM Close
Dating under the supervision of parents is good. or otherwise will end up in the trap of satan
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Reply by : catburglur   View Profile   Since : 23 Nov 2005 11:17:12 PM Close
I agree "BBG". Its a good idea to ask parents for permission [beforehand], when liking someone.
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Reply by : etoile   View Profile   Since : 17 Mar 2006 2:54:18 PM Close
maybe you all should encourage your teenage girls to get a ring and call it their "PURITY RING" i have one and i wear it everyday to remind me of my promise to God and my future husband, everytime i think something i should not or almost fall into temptaion i see it or feel it on my finger and it rescues my mind and actions everytime.. i am a teenager living in america and i absolutely agree that the culture is ruining every good thing that God has made even something as sacred as a girls virginity. i do think that it is okay for a girl and boy to "date" but i think there are certain giudelines to it. firstly they should both be Christians, the two should never be alone, they should go to church functions together but not hold hands in church, there has to be physical guidelines..i think this is a very important topic that teens and their parents need to seek gods wisdom about
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Reply by : george9   View Profile   Since : 20 Mar 2006 8:59:40 AM Close
etoile,
U have a very valid practical suggestion...but the next question that will come up is that isnt wearing ornaments SIN???

For the Kerala Brethern anything remotely practical is SIN....ie they will find some way to call it SIN...

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Reply by : etoile   View Profile   Since : 30 Mar 2006 9:53:27 PM Close
i can understand that you might see wearing a purity ring a sin, because it is jewelry, but the purpose of the ring is not to be an ornament but a symbol of the girls love for God, herself, and her future husband...
in His love..
etoile
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Reply by : holly   View Profile   Since : 2 Apr 2006 10:20:44 PM Close
I feel there is no harm in meeting to be wouldbe in a decent place.But we parents (specially mother) should explain to their teens about our beleif/culctre/life and specially about the world.
where ever we go we cannot change our skin, so same parents shouldn't forget their beleif and culture. Kids learns from parents.
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Reply by : etoile   View Profile   Since : 14 Apr 2006 9:38:54 PM Close
i agree with "holly", i am a teen and i definatly learn from my parents and their actions, i think it is fair to say that we teens look up to our parents and their actions more than we let on..
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Reply by : amit   View Profile   Since : 30 Nov 2006 2:24:34 PM Close
i m fully agree with thots mr.jonson ,bank manager trichur.thks sir amit 09226178541 mhrshtra
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Reply by : chackoipe   View Profile   Since : 2 Aug 2007 9:22:31 AM Close
I hope this is not a matter of cryout just like that but to think about it, keeping the Lord's Word in your heart. How is your family life? Is it a prayerful family you have ( wife, husband and children + ) and all are coming together and pray atleast in the morning and evening? Are you able to guide your children in the right way or lead them alongwith the Lord ahead. If you have a prayerful life with God's love in you, your children would not go out of the way, that is when you teach them to seek the Lord and accept his way in their own life then they would not astray instead they would be around you with love and your family is with full of blessing and you enjoy the presence of the Lord. Try and see this in your life. FIRST IMPLANT THE "WORD" OF THE LORD INSIDE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND REMEMBER THEM ALL YOUR LIFE THEN YOU CAN OVERCOME THE TEMPTATION (READ JAMES)
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Reply by : muthu   View Profile   Since : 4 Aug 2007 8:42:48 AM Close
one young sister and a young brother have been have been in friendship (i dont know whether they were dating) for quite sometime. Nothing out of the way and unspiritual, but everybody knew that it was more than a friendship.
But recently the brother parted way. The sister is totally upset and depressed. I talked to the brother, he says, they were just friends and at no occassion there was a proposal for marriage from him. The sister also admitted the same, but said, in the heart of heart both were expecting to get married.
Parents of the girl too are upset!
Any advise?
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Reply by : keralabrethren1   View Profile   Since : 5 Aug 2007 6:33:32 AM Close
Dear Muthu,

Advise ? to whom ? to the boy, girl, parents or to you ?

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Reply by : chackoipe   View Profile   Since : 5 Aug 2007 10:47:30 AM Close
This is what says we have to keep in mind that only God's wishes to be fulfilled in our life and not try to fulfill our own wishes. If we do so this would be the utmost result.
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Reply by : talmid2   View Profile   Since : 11 Aug 2007 10:42:22 PM Close
It is very good in the youth time to have an undivided heart for God, far away from the emotional influences of getting infatuated with the opposite sex. It also keeps one away from many emotional turmoils that come with getting too involved with the opposite sex at an early age. If you have such a single minded devotion to God, then you can grow spiritually be leaps and bounds. Brother Varghese has in the past posted a section from the book about the missionary "Jim Elliot" . The book is called "Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot".

The post i am referring to is in the thread
www.keralabrethren.net/boardkb/view.asp?id=1232&forum=General

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Reply by : talmid2   View Profile   Since : 11 Aug 2007 10:46:03 PM Close
Another very encouraging verse in this matter is James 1:17 - "Every good gift and every perfect ( free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]." We can believe this regarding our future life partner. Let that drive us to be close to and be one with the giver of good gifts.
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Reply by : sra   View Profile   Since : 8 Jun 2008 4:44:39 PM Close
Some good points have been made and it is a legitimate and very important issue that all parents need to consider. We can't tell our children not to do something just because we don't do it or our culture does not allow it. They are blessed from the Lord with individual wills and thinking capabilities. We have to provide them with reasons that turn their hearts to glorifying God and trusting His Word. How else can we train them to turn to Christ for the answers? I recommend a great book for all of you: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", by Greg Harris. it would be a good thing for parents, especially Dads to get this book, then read it through, and then read it with your children when they are of middle school age, chapter by chapter.
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Reply by : rlaz   View Profile   Since : 18 Jun 2008 10:18:01 PM Close
where in the Bible does it say that dating is wrong??? im so sick of listen to malayli's who say that "dating" is wrong... plz enrich me with your vast knowledge in the scriptures and prove to me that dating is wrong.. thankyou!
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Reply by : johnwilliams   View Profile   Since : 19 Jun 2008 1:27:29 PM Close
There is maybe just one example of dating in the bible. Samson. We know what happened to him after he dated.

Let me ask you a question. If you are dating someone in a romantic manner before bethrothal, will you keep the option of leaving that person for some reason?

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Reply by : muthu   View Profile   Since : 19 Jun 2008 9:05:47 PM Close
Dating is good for some pre-marital fun.
Dating need not always culminate in marriage.
Then further dating should continue with some one else.
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Reply by : ibn   View Profile   Since : 20 Jun 2008 1:03:56 AM Close
Forum,

I have some doubts..
1.Can i have friends?
2.Can the friends include boys & girls??
3.Is spending time with them wrong??
4.Is sharing in their joys & sorrows allowable??
5.Am i allowed to meet them alone in the absence of my parents??
I find there is difference in perception of what dating is in this forum..
For some it is involving with a eprson of another sex (hopefully) with a view of getting married..ie u try to know the person & if u like him/her go ahead with marriage...
For some others it is a pure meeting up of a person whom u like to spend some time with..
For some some others it has to be physical relation (Huh)..

Just posting a few questions & a few observations..

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Reply by : believer.bible   View Profile   Since : 20 Jun 2008 12:23:36 PM Close
Dear ibn,

I define dating as a romantic relationship with the opposite gender who is not your fiancee or wife.

I will share my opinions and hope to clarify doubts from a Biblical point of view and also practical aspects of it:

>>1.Can i have friends?

Yes ofcourse. There is wise councel on friends in the book of Proverbs Eg: Proverbs 18:24. Jesus disciples were also his "familiar friends" (Psalm 41:9). Be wise and careful not to have foolish friends like the ones Rehoboam had (2 Chronicals 10:8). They gave him foolish councel and destroyed his kingdom. Or the friends that made fun of Elisha and eventually got torn by two bears.

>>2.Can the friends include boys & girls??

Yes. When it comes to the opposite gender, it should remain as "friends" unless the opposite gender is your fiancee or spouse. Once again as in the first question, keep a safe distance from foolish friends (both boys and girls) who could cause you to sin, stumble and make foolish decisions like Rehoboam.

>>3.Is spending time with them wrong??

No. If you don't spend time with them, then you may not develop a friendship.

>>4.Is sharing in their joys & sorrows allowable??

Yes. But you must do this wisely. Will you share at a very intimate level so that you will develop an emotional bond with them? Remember, in a girl's case, they are more sensitive and get more easily attached to a person when you share at an emotional level creating a stronger bond. As a young man, you can seperate without a problem but the girl might have developed an emotional attachment to you. Men should not take their emotions for a ride.

Also remember that one day she must be married to a person whether it is you or someone else. But the Bible exhorts and warns us very strictly:

1 Thessalonians 4:6

That no man go BEYOND and DEFRAUD his brother in ANY MATTER: because that the Lord is the AVENGER of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.

Cont...

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Reply by : believer.bible   View Profile   Since : 20 Jun 2008 12:27:53 PM Close

Don't forget, if you take someone of the opposite gender for an emotional ride giving them hopes or commitments of marriage and break away, it is displeasing to the Lord. That person is supposed to be another man's wife. The Lord himself is the avenger of such defrauders.

Further, to break away from your spouse for other than fornication is adultery (Matthew 19:9).

>>5.Am i allowed to meet them alone in the absence of my parents??

I am assuming by "alone", you mean, in a private setting (not public).

No one is restricting you but ask yourself what is the intention of meeting alone?

You must be wise. Remember the woman in Proverbs 7? A young man met her alone also. It was in the absence of her guardian (husband) too. David was a great man of God. But he also met alone with Bathsheeba, committed adultery and then murder. Samson also met alone. He fell because of his weakness to the opposite gender. Great men of God have fallen when they met alone.

Joseph was alone with Potipher's wife also. He did his duty faithfully. Unfortunately Potipher's wife, seeing they were alone, wanted a physical relationship with Joseph. Joseph asked himself "How can I sin against God?". Joseph then knew it was not right to be alone with her. What did he do? He FLEED from the house.

Becareful when you are alone with someone of the opposite gender. If there are signs of sin being committed together, then do what Joseph did: FLEE.

Better yet, to avoid any untoward situation, try not be alone with someone who you may think can lead both of you to something BEYOND the intended purpose.

We are to enjoy the emotional and physical intimacy of only our spouse and wife (after marriage) - Proverbs 5:15-21

cont...

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Reply by : believer.bible   View Profile   Since : 20 Jun 2008 12:29:33 PM Close
Some questions to ask yourself before meeting alone:

1. Why are you going to meet alone?
2. Will you inadvertedly sin by commiting adultary/fornication? (Jesus made the bar much higher by saying that even looking at a woman with lust is adultery).
3. If someone sees you meeting alone, will it tarnish your testimony as a child of God?
4. Will you be a stumbling block in the life of other weaker brothers & sisters?
5. Will other people cast doubts on you your meeting alone with someone?

These are important questions that you need to ask yourself as such matters can be easily misunderstood by others or lead to a mighty fall even for the mightiest men of God.

May I ask, what is your opinion on dating and what do you feel about the above points?

In Christ,

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Reply by : mathewgeorge   View Profile   Since : 20 Jun 2008 5:09:23 PM Close

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT EXHORTATION BY BELIEVER.BIBLE. I thank God for the same.

Though I wanted to post a reply, this response came so quickly quoting the Scripture and this is a higher spiritual admonition than I imagined.

See the effect of the misuse of the freedom that Eve had in the Garden of Eden; the freedom to talk and freedom of expression.

Both MEN AND WOMEN YOUNG AND OLD should take heed and apply whatever portion of this exhortation is applicable to them.

(Today while I was watching the Euro cup match, the commentator made an excellent remark about the Turks “THE TURKS TACKLED THE BALL IN THEIR PENALTY AREA WITHOUT COMMITTING ANY SIN).

Ps 111:10 the fear of the LORD is the BEGINNING OF WISDOM: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.
Pr 29:15 the rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Pr 24:3 through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established.

PLEASE READ BELIEVER.BIBLE’S POSTING AND RESPOND.

God bless all
In Christ Jesus

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Reply by : silas   View Profile   Since : 23 Jun 2008 12:44:43 PM Close
There was a time and a generation when one brethren boy could marry one brethren girl (assume both malayalees) and they would be all set for life. The boy would be a godly breadwinner and the girl would soon become a godly mother raising children in the fear of the Lord.

That generation no longer exists. Today boys and girls are not raised to be godly husbands and loving wives. Today kids are raised to rise above the society and to educated well enough to be able to, if needed, live alone and independently.

So today, one brethren boy picking just any brethren girl for marriage would end in disaster. This is exactly what happens in arranged marriages, where the parents force their kids to bow to their desires. The parents find spouses for their kids, not with spiritual values, but with a view on their future financial security.

So, a new defined version of dating is necessary in our midst. Not the western kind that is a license for promiscuity, but a spiritual activity with a intend to find a person who shares ones values and lifestyle. The problem is especially acute for men trying to find wives. The role of men have not changed much, but wives today see themselves as powerful money generators who do not see the need to submit to a lower paid husband.

Whatever people believe about dating, one thing is sure. A marriage is better when you know what you are getting into, before you tie the knot. Churches must come up with wise counsel on how a boy and girl may gauge each other for suitability without infringing on immorality. This is a great need of the times, especially among us Brethren.

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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 24 Jun 2008 11:33:26 AM Close
That is a good point Bro.Silas. The church needs to get really active with the believers.
I believe very strongly that there needs to be more teaching and exhortation that needs to be done towards the preteens/adolscents/young adults whose views of family & marriage are shaping during this period of their life. They need to be taught about God's design for men and women rather than let the world/peers/education direct their thoughts.
There certainly, certainly needs to be more teaching catered towards parents.....I don't mean the judgemental preaching, but rather to lead them, encourage them in making Godly choices, putting their priority in the Lord rather than wealth/status/career and other secular security.

You know a lot of true Christians in America also do not do the "dating scene". It is just a media image/thrust which easily influences the youngsters....rather not true for many true beleivers.
They have a thing called the "courtship". Here, a young man asks the father of the girl to court her with an intention of marriage. Since they don't have all the other baggage of money, family name, status etc. that actually totally interferes in our system for choosing a Godly spouse, it is much easier.
During this courtship period the young man/woman get to know each other without going out on dates but rather in their homes or in the company of siblings/cousins....situations that are relaxed/casual. The families also get to know each other better.
If they and their families feel that it is going well, they go ahead, if not they go their seperate ways. This is not a long period but sometimes a month or 2.
It is difficult when 2 individuals who have nothing in common are thrown together, just because all the other stuff like education and family name are agreeable, and expected to have a fulfilled life.
But which ever you choose, if the foundation is in prayer and in the fear of God, He will make all things well...but the foundation must be God and not secular securities.
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Reply by : rlaz   View Profile   Since : 1 Jul 2008 12:44:01 AM Close
mom23... ur a confused woman/man?. You say that the media influences dating??.. huh??.. DATING occurs b/w christian (true believers)lol.. it happens in any other culture.. white, black, hispanic, asian.. all being TRUE BELIEVERS!!.. heck ive even seen it happen b/w BROWN malu individuals.. who are happily married now.. you cant just assume that dating doesnt happen!.. cuz it does..

personally i dont believe that there is anything wrong with dating.. boundries must be set.. rules must be made..intern glorifying God... Courtship is not for everyone.. but for those who think.. that it's the only way.. too bad for you..LOL!!

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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 1 Jul 2008 5:27:25 PM Close
Dude!! Seriuosly what are you talking about???
I am totally stumped by the conclusion you drew, that I said dating does not occur between youngsters.....black, white, brown, yellow......or pink!!
Read...understand...before u decide u need to put your 2 cents in.

If there is further confusion, what I meant is that unlike what the media projects that EVERY single american teenager is on the dating scene, that isn't true because there are some who choose not to....it has to do what they feel about their faith, to take a stand for that faith and not just jump in the band wagon with everyone else.

They certainly aren't among most of our malu's coz...us brown folks are the masters of the covert operations.....be all holy in the sight of parents/church and do whatever u want behind their backs.
We CERTAINLY are not the "true believers" I was refering to. I thought most people understood that much basic details.

And Dude! never conclude that a person who suggests other ways of getting married has never dated.....that is an immature conclusion to draw. Everyone who dates don't eventually get married.
There are some who "have been there and done that" and feel there maybe a better way.

Besides I just suggested courtship as an option for those who are uncomfortable with their children dating, but are not keen on the arranged marriage thing either.
Yep! Courtship isn't for everyone.....You are all for dating, "Go You!!!"
But by the way setting up rules in dating is the "courtship" I was talking about. And sticking to those rules requires a commitment and a faith too. After all you can fool man but you can't fool God.
"Dating with boundaries/rules set....glorifies God"....I think let everyone really contemplate on that one.

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Reply by : godly_mathew   View Profile   Since : 2 Oct 2008 11:45:56 AM Close
Visit these links now,(Copy below texts to ur address bar and execute)

http://www.christianadvice.net/dating/what_does_the_bible_say_about_dating.htm


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Reply by : believersforum   View Profile   Since : 17 Oct 2011 9:33:48 AM Close

YES

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Reply by : convert   View Profile   Since : 6 Nov 2011 2:32:08 AM Close

In many south east asian nations, where marrige lasts life time, partners meet , confirm it in the Lord, fall in love, get to know each other (without physical intimacy) and marry. The marriages last for a life time. don't be silly. I  have lived in South East Asia. You need to know the person you marry and God needs to choose for you, and stop being racist and haters of other Christians of other races. If Kerala is so important then stick there. Period. Don't generalize too much just what you see in USA, most Asian marriages , Chinese, korean, Japanese, Filipino, Indonesian are all based n love marraiges, and last for entire life time. This is not Taliban times you force people into marraiges and the Christian men end up beating their wives or caging them.

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Reply by : convert   View Profile   Since : 6 Nov 2011 2:34:11 AM Close

Regarding "parentS", what about Parents of convertS? who are hardcorE Muslims or Hindu nationalists? Converts have to go Marry  hindus ? What if your parent was a satan worshiper, then you ask their consul?

God comes first, and ask God's consul. Jesus himself said , "He who loves his parents more than ME is unworthy of me".

cut this Manus smriti and move towards real Christian faith. God is the father of each believer, God will be the guide and consul. Don't lean on "parents" they are also flesh and can be unsaved. There is no hard and fast rule that God uses only one agency to find bride or groom, you lock God in a box

 

convert

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Reply by : convert   View Profile   Since : 6 Nov 2011 4:12:46 AM Close


 As an Educated covnerted from Brahmincal lineage, who once was a deep castiest and a racist, allow me to educate you,

1. courting is not wrong, you need to know the person very well whom you are going to marry

2. marry the person because you love her, the love must be the foundation of it, not marrying her, because she is your cooking vessel, your washing machine, and your baby producing factory. She is to be the love of your life

3. Marry because God chose her for you to be your other half, to be your missing ribs. Two shall become one flesh

4. God can use any agency to make her meet you and you her, through parents, through community through direct meetings through whatever.

5. If God says yes, and your unbelieving parents says no, (God does not force people to say yes), then take a stand as the spirit leads you

6. There is no room for racism against any color or skin of Christian

7. Abraham chose for his son, because only few were there that worshiped God as the true God, other races had not yet come to the knowledge of God

8. Dating for fun and having fun with women or men = WRONG

Jacob choose his wife, Boaz chose Ruth and Ruth chose boaz , and so on. Don't comparE Jewish cutural systems with Manu smriti, don't teach me Brahminical religion, I can teach you and lecture you that half of your roots is Hinduism, so come clean of all this

Manu the Satanic law giver of Hindu society , someone I studied, someone I can quote from manu smriti is not the law giver of christians, it is the holy spirit that writes it in our hearts

if peter can eat anything that is unclean, that Jesus made clean, so can you give your daughter or son in marriage to a good christian of any race or any tribe. We are one in Christ

Having said, I as a convert, will choose to marry whomever god leads me to, because I will not marry a Hindu fanatic or a muslim , and lead my life into a 2nd phase of conflict


Finally, I as a convert, refuse to allow my son or daughter to marry a RACIST.

Now, you have a choice as a Christians, propagate Kerala or propagate Christ. You won't carry your Kerala heritage into Heaven, you carry only your actions to answer for how you treated others.

If jesus asks you, tomorrow, to marry a white man or a black man or a hispanic or a Hindi person or a tamilian, who is filled with the holy Spirit, and you disobey, then you answer for it.

Keralites are gentiles, who accepted a Jew as their God, named Jesus. Jesus was not a keralite.

So you should NOT have any problem taking any one from any race who is a good Christian

More important to my children is CHRISTIAN VALUES not KERALA VALUES.

Christian values are SUPERIOR than the Hindu Manu smriti influenced Kerala values, if Kerala values that I find matches my bible, I will take it, other than that I will REJECT IT.

So, If I have "sinned", show me my sin as PER NEW TESTAMENT not by Manu smriti or twisted definitions of the old testament "explained" by "keralites" who are NOT JEWS or qualified to speak on behalf of Jewish culture.

don't define the Bible from YOUR world view. I am sure that if St Thomas had a son or a daughter, and he died and he gave her for safe keeping to your community , some of you would not even dare to touch her would it ? Given the fact a NON-KERALITE named Thomas the apostle gave his life for you. Show that same gratitude and love back to non-keralites.

Jesus didn't send Thomas the apostle to Keralites because they were amazing people, Jesus said, "It is the sick that need the Physician". It is because perhaps they were among the most wretched, racist, and suicide prone people. Let us be humble and let us treat ALL HUMAN BEINGS as equals. don't be syrianis you are Brethren, BRETHREN MEANS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS , one in Christ

Thank you Brothers and sisters

FROM A CONVERT FROM HINDUISM (who in the past would not even dare to touch you unclean people, but now willing to embrace all in Christ).


 

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Reply by : robins1   View Profile   Since : 15 Dec 2011 9:56:35 AM Close

Dear Convert

That what you said is Very true!!!

 

 

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Reply by : paulthomas1   View Profile   Since : 17 Jan 2012 5:14:37 PM Close

 Convert : Amen brother - you said it right.

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Reply by : godblesskeralaonly   View Profile   Since : 25 Apr 2017 2:21:49 AM Close

Dating in public or with friends is a good way to seek a life partner.  Doing it earlier than you want to commit to marry or in private leads to temptation (we are weak).

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