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Keralabrethren.net: Sisters' Forum: Marriage

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# 00048 :  Marriage
IAM GETTING MARRIED SOON. CAN SOME ONE GIVE ME A GOOD ADVISE.
Post by : betsy  View Profile    since : 21 Apr 2005


Reply by : betsy   View Profile   Since : 21 Apr 2005 10:35:05 PM Close
AM AGAIN..I HAVE SEEN LOTS OF PROBLEMS IN MY FRIENDS FAMILIES..AM SURE ALMIGHTY WILL HELP ME BUT STILL I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE SOME ADVISES FROM SISTERS.
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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 22 Apr 2005 1:14:17 PM Close
A few points to remember . . . .

The institution of Marriage is God-ordained and please study the implications of straying from Scripture (God forbid).

Assuming that both parties are born-again and in active fellowship, seriously pray, plan and prepare. Wedding is for the moment but the marriage is & must last a lifetime. Believer’s marriage is a shadow of the marriage between Christ & the Church. Just like the marriage bond between Christ & the Church is intact, so must be a believer's marriage.

Marriage must start for God with God. He is the glue that keeps 2 hearts together (sometimes diametrically opposite in upbringing) as one. Marriage is tough and must never be taken for granted. Start each day and end each day with prayer. If problems, Reconcile always before the day is over. Be honest & humble to accepts one's faults.

Take counsel from others who you respect spiritually. Attribute all success to God.

God Bless!

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Reply by : sweet&sour   View Profile   Since : 23 Apr 2005 9:20:08 PM Close
what will you be doing on your honey moon...? give me the whole time schedule on: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 23 Feb 2007 4:56:28 PM Close
sweet&sour..sweety , she asked a serious question about marriage, let us respect that and not get carried away...!!
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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 23 Feb 2007 5:29:44 PM Close
Mr. Varghese certainly made some very good points.This is a very serious step and it should be done prayerfully and for the right reasons.
We are 2 different people with personality differences/habits etc. when we come together and become one. I remember a good example by a preacher I had heard, and he said that marriage is like 2 streams that come together to become a river. The initial mile or so the water will be turbulent till it reaches a point where it flows smoothly as one big river. Clashes will and do happen because after all you are 2 different people with different ways of doing things,based on the way you are brought up.But it is so important to understand that and be prayerful because of that. Put aside ego's, learn to understand the partner and where they are coming from.It will take time and patience but, believe me, when u always put Jesus as a mediator in any relationship it is amazing how much He will change our hearts & minds over time and make that relationship so beautiful an experience!! But it requires us to be truly and faithfully prayerful as a couple and as individuals.
Pray.. for you as a couple and as parents later on.
Never take the partner for granted, saying a "sorry" and a "thnak you" can go such a long way!
'Respect' is something you earn and you need to humble yourself and love with all your heart, selflessly, to earn it...but it is such a beautiful gift to recieve!!
When differences in opinion happen, don't lash out in anger.... take a step back, think! because cruel words hurt and it is not the way a child of God should react. Talk to your partner and tell them your side, they are not psychics, so you have to tell them what you feel or need. Like I said patience and humility come with faithful prayer literally on your hands and knees. God has made each one of us in a unique way for a purpose, respect that, understand that and everything else will fall into place. What you give into the relationship is what you will reap!! God bless you in this next big step. Take care.
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Reply by : chackoipe   View Profile   Since : 2 Aug 2007 4:15:50 AM Close
Yes one should know about marriage and its holiness so that he/she could lead a good life evenif there are ups and downs come throughout the life. First to start every day with the God's presence and remembering him throughout the day and praise him at the end of day, and keep his word in heart always. Live in this world as God's own family. Second understand the partner in all respect and "RESPECT" each other as also ignore the weakness but to help each other with the love of God. Start a new life with your partner and don't try to look back your earlier days how it was and don't ask each other about it, because that is equal too LOT'S WIFE LIFE. But look towards the furute where God is leading you ahead. Don't say just like Israel people murmured against moses and said it was good when we were in Egypst, God does not like that. So look to the words of the LORD whenever you need guidance. Don't listen others especially those who are advising negative against the WILL of God's word and worldly advises. If you cling to the Lord your life would be a blessed one, evenif you have to face problems in this life God's presence would help you to overcome those difficulties.
I wish and pray for you for a blessed married life ahead.
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Reply by : jenny1   View Profile   Since : 20 Jul 2008 9:33:26 PM Close
respect,love submit do not sleep with anger,gorgive forget Always pray together,wife make good food husband appeciate do not critisise
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Reply by : knp   View Profile   Since : 27 Jul 2008 4:15:05 PM Close
I am a white american girl. I am getting married to a young man from Kerala. I am from a very different culture than he is and I am looking for anyone who can give me some advise. I want more than anything to show honor and respect to my husband and future inlaws. What can I do to show this?
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Reply by : jesben   View Profile   Since : 27 Jul 2008 10:16:39 PM Close
If you are a true believer and obedient to God you need no other advice other than submissive to your husband.Holy spirit will guide you in all your ways if you are submissive to Him.Taste and see ,this will be a wonderful experience.Ask our God Almighty about all your doubts and tell Him all your feelings.
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Reply by : johnwilliams   View Profile   Since : 28 Jul 2008 1:03:55 PM Close
jesben, let's not forget that even as a Wife is supposed to be submissive to the husband, a husband is supposed to love his wife JUST AS Christ loved the church. So the onus is not only on knp who is planning to marry a young man but also upon the young man from Kerala who should know that he needs to love and cherish his wife and by love, it is love as defined by God which is in 1 Cor 13:4-8

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth:

knp, there will be some cultural aspects that you might want to be prepared for. I don't know what kind of a person you are but some thoughts that come to mind assuming you will continue living in America:

1. How you will balance life if you work & also are a home maker
2. Dressing sense. Americans are more concious to dressing for the occasion over Indians.
3. The "when" of Family planning
4. Indians may feel that American houses have more than what is needed. For eg: big houses, beautiful lawns, home entertainment systems may not be a priority for Indians initially.
5. Indians are more attached to families and extended families. So expect lots of visiting, travelling to see them.

Well, these are all my assumptions for Indian men and will definately vary depending from person to person. But you know the person you are going to marry better and definately, both of you will have to know to accept differences and compromise here and there.

The responsibilities of a husband should never be down played when talking about the responsibilities of a wife. This is another difference you will have to be aware of where the roles of a wife is sometimes emphasised much more than a husband's role as you might have noticed by the earlier comment.

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Reply by : jesben   View Profile   Since : 28 Jul 2008 10:10:26 PM Close
I am telling miss.knp ,only about her role and attitude towards married life. If the man who is going to marry loves her AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH it won't be a difficult thing for her to be a submissive wife.What ever be the situation God's command doesn't change.Miss.knp,it is not a matter whether he loves you or not.
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Reply by : sabumathew   View Profile   Since : 29 Jul 2008 12:17:59 AM Close
Dear betsy,

A short message for your married life.

Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Both of you are going to be one in every aspect. Keep this in your mind and avoid these types of words:
My Parents < > Your Parents
My Brothers < > Your Brothers
My Sisters < > Your Sisters
My things < > Your things
Mine < > Yours
ALWAYS SAY OURS

Love your Spouse as you love yourself.

SB

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Reply by : tomj   View Profile   Since : 30 Jul 2008 10:55:17 AM Close
Dear knp,

I usually don’t write in this forum, since it is designated as sister’s forum. But I am happy to share few things. I have two sons in law who are local Americans also. I trust that both of you are Christians and share the same faith.

There is a way we can be very comfortable with each other irrespective of color once we see people beyond the color barrier.

Here is a pointer for you. My sons [in-law] are very good with their wives’ family and extended family. The Indian culture usually addresses the extended family [even] showing their respect by addressing each with some special names. They address them just as their wives do, and our daughters do the same to the sons’ family.

Our daughters have unlimited number of uncles and aunties; so do [now] our sons. Also, don’t be overly sensitive to every comment people make. By nature we [people from Kerala] get into everyone’s business. Accept them graciously and move on, without being so overly preoccupied with it. Your husband could be a good guide in helping you to discern this.

Don’t be surprised if you indeed heard some unkind [stupid] remarks from few people. They deserve to be ignored. In every culture you will see few like that and in the Kerala culture we are blessed with more than a fair share.

In case [hope not] you hear some rude and stupid remarks, don’t think such is the norm. Generally, Kerala culture is overly friendly, courteous & loving. If you have never watched the movie ‘My big fat Greek Wedding’, I would recommend you doing it. That would help ease your concerns and it is a true but humorous portrayal of cross cultural relationship.

Again, I trust that you both have true relationship with the Lord and have a place to worship and serve the Lord and grow in your Christian walk. That would be more important than anything else.

Tom J

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Reply by : godly_mathew   View Profile   Since : 2 Oct 2008 11:42:25 AM Close
Dear sister

pls Visit these links,

http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=150

----------------------

http://parentsforchrist.com/bible/marriage.shtml

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