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View Topics :: :: Post new topic Youth Forum: CULTURAL BARRIER

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Post by : flowingstones  View Profile    since : 8 Oct 2008

Reply by : samuel.v.j   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2008 3:13:15 AM Close
Dear readers in Christ,

Exodus 20:-12 -Honour thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the land which the
LORD thy God giveth thee.

When the parents have made us, made us grow, will
they not have plans for our better future,It is
good and we will be blessed if we take their
advice and guidance in all aspects.

Beware of parents who have invested their worldy
assets upon their children , and expects returns
from the daughter-in -law or son-in-law side.

Yours in Christ

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2008 11:57:10 AM Close
Dear 'flowingstones,'

Please listen to what was written by brother Samuel V.J.

I know that only an ABCD will write or think about their parents as MALLU. There are no Mallu, except in the minds of those who think that their Malayalee parents do not even deserve to be called a Malayalee.

If you are not a son of a Malayalee, and you are the one who cannot marry the girl, and when you called her and her parents "MALLU," you are showing that you are superior to them in all aspects of mankind. You are not. You were born as a sinner as any other human is. If you are saved, it was by the grace of God, and it was by the blood of the Lamb. It is the same blood that saved those Malayalees, who were saved by the grace of God.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2008 2:06:38 PM Close
Dear Bro.Samuel and Bro.George,
In one way I do agree with you about honoring and listening to the words of your parents....they are trying to do their best for you, the children.

But is it right for a parent to actually deny a union based on a male or female not being of the same this case a malayalee? Is it right to call it "against God's will?" .
After all we are all created in the image of God and Jesus died for all of us no matter our race or color.
So is it not hypocritical to advice your children against a marriage based on this point and twisting God's word for personal gains?
Unless of course there are other factors beyond ethnicity....ut then that needs to be addressed rather than give confusing images to your children about God and God's will.

Dear flowingstones,
Bro.Goerge was right in making his point about using the term "mallu's". I think it isn't just among the ABCD's but also among all malayalee children who have not been raised in Kerala. It has to do to some extent with our parents not giving children pride in where they come from, teaching them their native mother tongue etc.
I know of so many north Indian families that instill their language and culture in their children even if they are in America....I have been guilty of using this word too.
If you too are a malayalee or an proud of it. There is nothing to be ashamed of or to ridicule actually. I always teach my kids about India and where we come from. Our country has such a rich and amazing history and culture. God has chosen to make us the way we proud of that...rather than try to be something we never can be and that is reality!!!

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2008 3:17:03 PM Close
Dear 'mom23,'

You asked, "But is it right for a parent to actually deny a union based on a male or female not being of the same ethnicity..."

The union between a man and a woman in marriage should not be decided by race, ethnicity, etc. The Word of God says that a believer is to marry a believer, of the oppostie sex. They should know that they were brought together by God and not by man. This is what God did in Eden. The importance of the Woman to Adam was not that she was just there, but she came with God. God brought her to him. The woman knew that she was brought to Adam by God and not that she happened to be there or came to him, being attracted, as the lord of the Garden.

Having said these, let me also say that if a young man refer to the girl as MALLU or use that term about her parents, he should be thrown out with all might. Our freedom in the Lord is in peril, defend it with all our might.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : flowingstones   View Profile   Since : 9 Oct 2008 10:59:49 PM Close
dear brethern , when i read shaloms reply i was deeply hurt when he said" throw this person out "i read from 1 john 4- and i forgive u bro shalom. im sorry and deeply apologize if i called a mayalee a mallu.. i never knew there was so much of ego problems here.
i do not wish to post any more questions on this forum or even answer cause questions here are answered according to cultural convinence and the bible has no value in this forum . deviating gods will according to convinence.
the original question was thats the girls father is a christian and not a beliver yet says" its not gods will since the boy is not a boy from kerala(does that sound ok , if not ill apologize once again).
but instead of addressing such a question the ego was hurt and people here wanna throw me out .
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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 10 Oct 2008 3:39:10 PM Close
Dear 'flowingstones,'

If racism is against God's will, you should not call any one "Mallu." It is rooted in racism. There are no "Mallu" in India.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : flowingstones   View Profile   Since : 10 Oct 2008 7:59:06 PM Close
bro shalom u have posted a ridiculous answer .
what are people from india called , are they not called indians,
similiarly what are people from kerala called mayalees / mallu s .. why are u making such a big deal , IS YOUR EGO HURT.
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Reply by : mathewgeorge   View Profile   Since : 11 Oct 2008 1:16:27 AM Close

Dear readers

By the time I prepared my answer, few more postings were found. Therefore I will quote the answer I prepared first followed by further remarks.

The answer to the question on this thread is “it is not biblical for mallus to marry mallu”. A marriage becomes biblical for born again children of God when they are united by God according to His will.

Mark 10:9 what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.


Though I do not know the exact meaning of mallu, I know that it is a derogatory or insulting usage.
But one should remember that such usages do not reflect godliness.

Matthew 5:22 But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. {Raca: that is, Vain fellow}

If flowingstones posted this on behalf of the BOY voluntarily, the BOY is not a party to this discussion.

It is biblical for non believers to marry within or without their CULTURAL BARRIERS, according to their choice.


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Reply by : mathewgeorge   View Profile   Since : 11 Oct 2008 1:21:04 AM Close

Dear flowingstones

You are “deeply hurt” by the reply of Brother George and thereafter you state that “there was so much of ego problem here”. Therefore I believe that your ‘sorry and apology’ are superficial that does not reveal a contrite heart.
Your immediate resigning is unwarranted and I would like you to see you posting your views on this forum. You appear to be a young believer who is very zealous about the Word of God, but some part of your writing reveals doubt in the reader’s mind.

Further it seems that you are not aware of the cultural differences that prevails in India or other parts of the world. In India the cultural barriers and its operation are very complex. Please don’t worry about it. But I wish to point out that in your own country, those who break these cultural barriers are still a minority. If some one says that it is a majority, then certainly it will be a minority among the believers.

Dear flowingstones, the ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS FOUND IN YOUR OWN REPLY of 09 0ct. 10:59:49 reading “the original question was that the girl’s father is a Christian and NOT A BELIEVER” [your first posting did not mention this].
Here we are dealing with Christian living of believers only.

NOW THE SITUATION HERE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT [thus no mallus and non-belivers involved].

The first thing that we need to do is to pray for this boy and girl and her parents who are not believers. Pray that the will of God be revealed as regards their marriage and that her parents also are saved.

Please let me know your country of residence and your nationality (if you are glad to reveal) and I assume that yours and the boy’s nationality are the same. Are these boy and girl in fellowship with any Assembly (Church)?

Once you reveal this I wish to write some more lines as the Spirit of God leads.

In Christ Jesus


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Reply by : sku1   View Profile   Since : 11 Oct 2008 3:31:00 AM Close
It is rather unfortunate that some are trying to be super spiritual when using some words and finding wrong with the meaning its spirit etc. Brothers "mallu" means Malayali, commonly called short name and nothing racism in it. Why eveybody is trying to find fault with some truth seekers and making them believe that all believers are of arrogant attitude like some who participate in this forum.

Dear Flowingstone,


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Reply by : joey   View Profile   Since : 11 Oct 2008 5:13:54 PM Close
hi flowingstones

dont get discouraged by others, since they havent replied as you desired.

regarding to your query,
one cannot judge about God's will for them to get marry or not.

if a father rejects the marriage only for this cause i dont think he is doing right.
the two - (girl and the boy) should have conviction above all.

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Reply by :   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 1:22:09 AM Close
Dear Following Stones,

Let me just say that two believers of any race or country can marry within God's will as permitted in the Bible (must be believer, opposite gender, of age). Father should also give daughter. Boaz and Ruth were of different race and Jesus Christ was from their lineage too.

So these so called rules are man made and not frm scripture.

If parents oppose such a union, you can be sure that it is not because the Word of God does not permit but because of their personal opinion/reservations.

Please don't feel discouraged with the youth forum and please come back with more questions if you have. I can tell you frankly that the Bible has answers for all issues and matters of life.

God bless,

Dear all,

Just letting everyone know that "mallu" is actually not considered a "derogatory" term by today's generation of Keralites and is infact just a common name used for identifying malayalees or Keralites. Even I use it when talking to friends (either malayaless or non-malyalees) to identify keralites. It is very much an accepted part of normal Indian/English lingo.

I would rather say that "mallu" is slang for "Malayalee" (which I am sure all of us have no issue with used). When I use it with older people, I refrain because I know that they are not aware of such terms.

Let's understand that the new generation have lots of slang which they use innocently. We can advice them to refrain if required in an empathetic manner.

God bless,

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 12:10:40 PM Close
Dear 'flowingstones,' and 'sku1,'

The word Mallu does not mean malayalee. It stands as a code word for those who are malayalees. It is smilar to other demeaning usages, such as JAP, for Japanese or Jewish girls. Could we say that those who use Mallu to designate malayalees are ABCD? I hope you know what an ABCD is?

By the way, if a boy calls the girl he wants to marry "Mallu" and uses that term to her parents, does not deserve to marry her to be their son-in-law. He does not give the proper place place for her in his life and does not respect her parents.

About a believer marrying another believer: Is 'flowingstones," a believer? That question comes after his attitude towards his future spouse and her parents. The attitude towards the future spouse and her parents is a common characteristic that is applicable to both believers and unbelievers, alike. Let me also state that the one who uses such terms towards his future spouse and her parents, to unknown people on a Forum, is generally not a believer and it is a safe assumption.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 2:29:51 PM Close
I must say....when I first heard the the word "malu" it was being used to describe a malayalee in a derogatory way.....based on this person's physical appearance and attitude.
Just like the north Indians use the word "madrasi" of all who are dark skinned and are from the south of India.
Even when I used it among was always to show superiority over someone terms of, I am a malayalee but not a "typical mallu".....A "mallu" represented all we the young did not want to identified with. The same was with other regions a "guju" for gujarati etc....or here in the U.S...the term FOB (Fresh of the Boat).
It isn't meant to be a casual greeting. Those of you who have that idea haven't heard it in it's true context.
Nobody goes upto a malayalee in the street and says..."hey are you mallu?".....But then it would be "Hey are you a malayalee?".
Just like you don't say..."hey are you a FOB?".
It isn't meant to be a good way to address a malayalee.
That is why I said, I too have used this word and once in a while it still slips out...but I make it a point to correct it and tell my children that it isn't right either.

Now in the case of you my dear "flowingstones"....
I am assuming you aren't a malayalee and this was a word that you were introduced to and had no idea that it may not be the best way to describe someone.....but I do not think it is your mistake but that you were merely, misinformed.
Do not worry, do not be discouraged...this is obviuosly your first time here. Stick around, you will meet all kinds of personalities, (some are pretty strong) and opinions. You either fight back or choose to "agree to disagree" and move on.
Next time maybe post some more background would help those who reply.
So, is the girl a said her father wasn't? If she isn't, then you need to think again....
But the use of "God's will" like a brother mentioned in a previous post is mostly used to justify one's personal agendas...Do reply back.

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Reply by : mom23   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 2:42:42 PM Close
Bro. George,
In your reply to me....I understand the need for waiting for God's choice of a spouse. But can we say with complete authority that a mate our parents choose is completely according to God's choice. Aren't there other agendas that parents bring into the picture in this process of choosing the right mate for their child?
Can we say with complete confidence that a mate chosen by the child is not someone God has chosen for them....that there was no prayer involved, just attraction?

On another note....I do not think it is right to say that a person is not a believer because he used the word "mallu" against someone. What if it was the girl, herself, who initiated this word and made it part of his vocabulary? He may not have known otherwise.

That is why I,too, had made that initial posting to him saying that it wasn't the right word to use. But I don't think that means we throw him out or anything. That is too harsh a judgement based on some peripheral informataion on who he is or what his spiritual standing is.

But this is only my opinion.....I guess you are entitled to yours based on your experiences.

A fellow sister in Christ,

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 6:15:56 PM Close
Dear Judy,

Thank you for your message. Let me address your message in the order in which you wrote.

I was not writing about the future spouse chosen by the parents. Man has a favorite way to blame God. We do that by saying, "If it is the will of God, it will happen." This sentence will be preceded by an excuse to disagree with anything. What I wrote was that the boy and girl should know that they are brought together by God and they are intended, by God, to be together. This requires a lot of prayer and spending time alone with God. I could say only from my life.

I know, what is the cost of surrendering to God. I could say with confidence that my wife is chosen and brought to me, by God. I asked her consent only after I was sure without any uncertainty about this matter. When I disagree or she disagrees on matters in our life, I look to my Father, and He tells me that she is the one who was prepared by Him for me and I should love her as Christ loved the Assembly (Ephesians 5:25).

When we pray, we should not pray with lingering doubts about the answer we are to receive. He will answer and the one who prays will know. I do not have a set of rules about how do one knows that God answers. All I know is, my Father answers my prayers, many ways. When he answers, He leaves no doubt in my mind about His answer. It is a dleightful way in which He answers and make sure that I understand His answer. When and if I rebel, He will continue till I hear.

I always remember, what I wanted to be and what I became.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 13 Oct 2008 6:22:58 PM Close
Dear Judy,

I did not want to mix this part of my answer with the previous.

Did I write that 'flowingstones' is an unbeliever? That was not my intent. I worte, "Is 'flowingstones,' a believer? That question comes after his attitude towards his future spouse and her parents. The attitude towards the future spouse and her parents is a common characteristic that is applicable to both believers and unbelievers, alike." What I intended waas that the question of salvation of 'flowingstone' will become an object of interest, only after the problem of attitude is resolved. The problem of attitude of a boy towards his future spouse and her parents are of paramount importance even among unbelievers.

Thank you for your posting.

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : flowingstones   View Profile   Since : 14 Oct 2008 1:57:53 AM Close
im amazed as to what direction this discussion is headed, brethern im a believer, born again and baptised .
this was regarding my friend, an he respects her father an mother. but when malyalee parents make this cultural difference what should he do?
the father claims to be a born again but he doess this racism , what should the girl do? should she obey her dad or obey god?
and dear brethern im in the lord for many years , i never knew that calling a malyalee a mallu is such a great offence. wehn the lord was called with different name he never reviled but here since some beliveres are from kerala they were deeply hurt. any ways lets consider the core question rather than making a mountain out of a silly cultural egoistic issue ...dear bro shalom malekim....
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Reply by : nelson   View Profile   Since : 2 Dec 2008 6:22:26 PM Close
Dear flowingstones

‘What should the girl do? Should she obey her dad or obey god?’

When there is confusion, it is always better for a Christian to wait. Trust that the sovereign God can work in a wonderful way.

In a Malayalee family background the parents will always desire the best for their child. Instead of becoming disturbed or discouraged wait prayerfully.

A believer needs to obey parents as well as obey God.

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Reply by : sincy_varghese   View Profile   Since : 11 Dec 2008 5:55:39 PM Close
Cool Topic. I am a Malayalee...Sometimes I call myself MALLU and many of my friends call me Mallu. I have friends who are from Britain and they are addressed as Brits. I have gujarati friends and I call them Gujju sometimes.I feel in certain ways the present days are better than the so called "good ol' days". A lot of people do not have the ego problems which some people from the earlier generation possessed.

Anyways in this particulr case the girl and the boy should wait upon the Lord. If they have gone too far in terms of giving commitments, then it is important that the word is not broken unless by mutual consent.

If commited the only option is to pray and wait and pursuade the girl's parents. It is not God's will to dishonor parents and enter into marriage against their wishes. If the marriage is favoured and approved by God, He will take care of changing man's heart. The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD..he turneth...Pro 21:1

Probably this is time to bear the Holy Spirit's fruit of patience! In fact I also went through a similar situation where my wife parents had to be convinced. God took care of that in His own way, and to say the truth, many human weapons we employed boomeranged badly! Allow God to work.

BTW there are some folks who could make no wrong whatsoever and who will defend anything they write with vehemence. I would be very wary of taking any advice from them. They are too divine to be helpful. I would suggest that flowstones ignore their advice and look for practical advice from some humble believers who believe they could be wrong sometimes!

I remember a quote which is ascribed to the great Oliver Cromwell. He was a Puritan. He told his Lords "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken"

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Reply by : jakethomas   View Profile   Since : 7 Dec 2009 1:56:18 AM Close

Dear Flowingstones,

You asked a simple question but it went into so many direction. I am sorry if you were hurt in anyway. Now almost a year has been passed after you posted this question. Can you just let me know how things worked in this case? I am interested because you mentioned that both the boy and the girl are born again and baptized believers.

Jake Thomas, VA  


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Reply by : jmat_86   View Profile   Since : 11 Feb 2011 7:56:01 AM Close

@ flowingstones- Dear brother, do not be offended by by what some people say. They are entitled to their opinions. Sometimes, their opinions can be of the foolish nature. This is the first time I'm hearing that the word "mallu" is a derogatory term. So far from what I've seen in its use (both in India among malayalees and among malayalees in the West), i've never seen it being used with a derogatory meaning behind it. I tried searching in Google to see the basis for this. All I could find was a website which actually defines what a mallu is (without any derogatory meaning). the website is

To those who think this is a derogatory term, please give valid proof of this before going and accusing people of doing something wrong (and not something based on your own opinion).

Pertaining to interracial marriages, there's nothing in the Bible which condemns interracial marriage between two believers. People create an issue about this because they try to mix traditional cultural values with our faith. Yes, the Bible does say to obey your parents. But if the parents are not seeking God's will (and instead are enforcing their traditional values which has no basis scripturally, do you still obey them? God has given each believer His Spirit to counsel and guide them. If two believers (from difference races) believe that God is leading both of them to get married, no one can stand in their way.

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Reply by : ifellinlovewithamalayalee   View Profile   Since : 22 Oct 2011 7:08:54 PM Close

im learning a lot here.. it's good..


by the way, Ephesians 6:1 - about honoring father and mother? please note: "in the Lord" children have the right to disagree. the question is this: how will they know if it is God's willl or not that their parents is deciding? simple : read the Bible and seek God.  Not all parents are objective. Majority are subjective.

I am not an indian but i am a victim of this situation.

I feel offended with how this guy whom i fell inlove with reacted towards interracial stuffs?


My ex boyfriend

reasoned out about being disowned (due to shame in society and in church) and all. He wanted an

abortion due to fear of his father but I do not want to do it so I end up alone.

I am not regretting because I now have a son. I'm just

thankful that I am highly educated and my finances are

not a major problem to think about. He's doing nothing

in his life now. He said he wasn't allowed interracial

marriages and if ever he would be disowned, he knows he

cannot survive without his parent's money.  i was informed that his parents changed churches. He's got no

balls and he has no shame because he continued his

other relationships to some other girls (from my race -

take note: he claimed that he's not allowed inter

racial stuffs but look at his actions)while being an

irresponsible father to my kid (by the way, he

2-3-4-nth timed me). He was not disowned but he hated

me much for informing his family. I do not understand

why people need to act clean in front of everyone else

in Kerala even if they are really rotten inside. I

don't want to mention names but it really damn hurts to

be left out. Having no money isn't an excuse and being part of a conservative church that disciplines members for these cases is not an excuse to abort the baby. A guy's

greatness is not measured by the amount of his

paychecks but by the effort he exerted. In this case?

He never even asked about the baby. Shame on him. By

the way, he wanted to have a clean reputation in my

son's eyes as well as to his future arranged marriage

wife and in laws if there are any Indian girl he and

his family could fool. (actually, one girl wrote to me

: pretended to be his wife and she received harsh words

from me). His parents? I think they are acting as if

they know nothing. They are well educated but I cannot

see the democracy in their lives. Is that really harsh

in Kerala? He is such a black sheep. What do you call a

guy who's willing to turn his back to his firstborn

son? Is it because that it's outside wedlock? Gosh.

What does forgiveness meant? Why is it so important to please people more than to please God? And now, I shoulder every burden because of these. I thought they do dawn prayers. Sometimes, i feel i wanted to persecute the Christians / believers in India but I am convicted not to. (sigh)

Yes, I sinned and fell into temptation but I cannot correct one mistake by commiting another mistake so as to make the families in India peaceful including their society. Im thankful to indian pastors i met - they understood my situation but they cant do anything about it because those elders that re close to this family are denying knowing them : i wonder why they dont know them. Is there politics in the churches there? (im not here to offend anyone - just opening minds).

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Reply by : joekevin   View Profile   Since : 15 Aug 2012 4:29:35 AM Close

I do not know if racism is a common thing in Bretheren Assemblies but I find more and more instances online on this topic. I am personally a victim of this racism. I met a girl.. She is from Newyork born to Malayalee parents . Her father is a much respected elder in her church. I was a Christian born to parents in God's work but I was not close to God and she brought me closer to God and I was starting to get stronger in my faith. We both had feelings for each other and we wanted to marry. She spoke to her parents and they denied and the reason was - I am not a  Malayalee.  As much as I would like her to obey her parents, I still think this is not right because it hurt both of us .. there were so many days when we just cried for hours together ..We had given our hearts away and only people who have experienced the feeling will know the pain.

I still do not understand that such a small cultural difference - (we were from neighbouring states in India and now I live in Canada and she in NY ) is good enough to hurt two people so much.  It is misleading - It makes people fall away. As I understsnd God died for all of us  and he did not discriminate between any of us. I certainly do not believe what her parents did was the right thing. But she is a good girl - She loves her parents and she was forced to stop talking to me. She might have stood her ground but I doubt she could have survived the mental torture by her parents. They made her feel that it ws wrong to even talk to me.

I cannot understand that this could be biblical or spiritual. The Church has become so full of Pharisees and the kind who teach the scripture but do not know what it means. We are in the days of the NEw Testament when it is not all about rules and regulations but about compassion and love. That was what Jesus was all about. God is love.

I have cancer now and I have a year or maximum two  to live .. I have been angry and I have thought if I die, on the day of the judgement I will rise to testify against her parents for their cold blooded murder of our love.   But I am a Christian...courtesy my love... I forgive her parents with all my heart but I wish God tell them in a way that they would listen so that they become better than what they are .that is my it is true brother .. It is still there ..Church or outside - Racism is till at large.  

It is our responsibility ( those of us who have been granted a longer lease of life on this world) to make this world a better place within the Church first and then outside when we grow older. We should make sure that we see that  the boy/girl that our kids want  has potential and an attitude which God likes than judge them by  their race or color.

May be you think it is easier for me to say now as I am going to close my eyes on this world soon and give it all away and feel no more.But  I think of her everyday and it kills me everyday I live and it will till the last minute that I cannot hear her voice or see her face ever again.



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Reply by : djdems   View Profile   Since : 16 Aug 2012 2:17:36 AM Close

Dear Joekevin, I sincerely feel sorry for you, both that you have gone thru a heart breaking experience as well as the fact that you are suffering from such a fatal sickness. I am glad that you have forgiven the girls parents. That should help you to overcome the natural bitterness  in your heart towards them. I will certainly pray that God may help all of us to seek Gods will in everything we do. Take care Brother, God bless

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